Visit by Khun Nui

Hot on the heels of Independence Day ponderings and a previous post about families that aren’t as close as cozy as they could be, we have an entry about my mother-in-law’s visit this past Saturday.

Several days in advance, Khun Sudha (Tawn’s father) told Khun Nui (Tawn’s mother – “Khun” being a prefix of respect) that he was joining his friends for some social event all day Saturday.  She called Tawn to announce that she would come over and visit us on Saturday.  Shortly thereafter, she called me to say that she wanted me to cook for her.

Considering my options, I selected a recipe for blueberry muffins from Martha Stewart’s Baking Handbook, a.k.a. Baking on the Cellblock.  Muffins are a fun breakfast food and, despite the expense of the imported from Australia berries, a worthwhile treat for my mother-in-law.

P1070451 The recipe is basically a white cake dough: eggs creamed with sugar, add vanilla, then spoon in a mixture of flour, baking powder (of which I need to buy some more – note to self), and salt. 

Mix just until moistened, taking care not to over mix.  Fold in the blueberries – coat them lightly with the flour mixture beforehand so they don’t sink to the bottom of the muffin – and then scoop into a buttered and floured muffin tin.

After filling the tins, bake at 350 degrees for about 30 minutes or until a toothpick inserted into the center of the muffins comes out clean.

While the muffins bake, clean out every last bit of goodness from the bowl and eat it with complete disregard for the raw eggs in the batter!

Below: Before and after.

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P1070467 Tawn went to pick up his mother while the muffins were baking.  His parents live only about 10 minutes away (when there isn’t any traffic) so by the time the muffins were ready to come out of the oven, Tawn and his mother had returned.

I was fearful that the muffins would stick to the pan, but a little gentle loosening with a table knife was enough to overcome their shyness and they popper right out as if to say, “Hello, world!  Eat me!”

Also on the list was a roasted bell pepper fritata. 

So easy to roast bell peppers at home using your broiler.  Burn them and then thrown them in a plastic container to steam for a few minutes.  Peel the charred skins off and then slice and use to add a bit of smoky goodness to your food.

To add some moisture to the eggs, I used cottage cheese.  It produces a nice creamy texture and, by adding some additional lumps on top of the fritata, I get a nice browning effect.

Finish with some sliced fresh avocado and you have a good California breakfast on your hands.

Below: Before and after.

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Finally, after a flurry of picture taking that caused Khun Nui to arch her eyebrows in a unspoken question, we sat down and ate breakfast.

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Above: An artistically-composed show by Tawn and me, Mom and the muffins.  Notice that he focused on the muffins.

 

Happy Birthday Khun Sudha

Today is Tawn’s father’s birthday.  As a good Thai son, Tawn will join his parents this morning to go to their neighborhood Buddhist temple and feed the monks.  This way they will acquire merit on this auspicious day.

Tonight, Tawn will return to his parents’ house for dinner, where they will likely be joined by the many aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews and cousins that live nearby for a birthday dinner.

I have a conference call with my boss at 8:00.

Sudha Nui SF 2003 2 That’s not to say that I chose a conference call over celebrating my father-in-law’s birthday.  Unfortunately, though, we’re still not over the hump of Khun Sudha (“Khun” being an honorific equivalent to “Mister”) embracing his son’s gayness and farang partner.

Left: A rare photo of the four of us together, taken when Tawn’s parents came to San Francisco for a visit in (I think) 2002.

I’m an optimist, though.  We’ve made it over the hump of acknowledging the situation already.  We’re making some progress climbing the windward side of the hump of accepting the situation.  So it seems that with enough patience we will make it to the third hump at some point in the future.

It tears Tawn apart, though, as he sees himself as stuck in the middle between his parents (really, just his father as his mother is very embracing) and me.  But I’m a “glass half full” type and think that we’ll get there eventually.  All it takes is a large does of understanding, something needed from both sides.

I’ll have to spend some time today thinking about whether or not it is appropriate to send a birthday card to a father-in-law who would rather not have to confront my existence.  And what exactly do you write in such situations?

 

Zoe: 2000-2008

We received the sad news that my sister and brother in law’s yellow labrador, Zoe, who had been diagnosed with liver cancer just two weeks ago, was put to rest on Saturday morning. 

avandzoe51207 In the course of those two weeks, her health declined precipitously and within just the final few days she went from somewhat normal levels of energy, activity and appetite to being unable to eat or drink anything, let alone get up from the floor or move on her own.

Zoe was Jenn and Kevin’s first “child”, giving them a trio of years of experience caring for another living being before my oldest niece was born. 

Emily wasn’t as close to Zoe as my younger niece, Ava, has been.  But for both of them, the loss of a permanent part of their life will bring about all sorts of questions and worries and sadness.

Emily, who is old enough to remember her great-grandmother (my father’s mother), stated that now Zoe would be in heaven and would take walks with Grandma Schultz.  While Grandma was always a bit overwhelmed by Zoe (she was very demonstrative of her affections when she was younger, jumping all over you and sharing her very fur with you), I’m sure that image will provide the whole family with comfort.

Above: Ava and Zoe, best of friends, watch an endless summer afternoon pass by.

If the nature of things is that life is given and taken away on a whim, it seems that our clinging onto memories in an earnest, if futile, attempt to resist that capriciousness. 

 

Babies Galore

P1060247 As mentioned before, many of Tawn’s school friends are settling down and having children.  At least the opposite-sex couples are. 

The other day we hosted several of them on the occassion of Kat coming back to Khrungthep for Songkhran.  Kat and her British husband Dan were married in a beautiful ceremony on the beach in Phuket back in September 2006.  Last June they gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, Sophie.  We visited them in Hong Kong when Sophie was just a few days old.

Left: Sophie and I scratch each other’s chin.

Hard to believe it has almost been a year since then and in that year the number of children in the group has grown considerably.  Ja and her husband Tuk gave birth to a lovely baby girl called Namink, a half-year ago and Sa and her husband Job recently gave birth to their son, JJ.  (Which I should probably write as “Jae Jae” to translate more accurately.)

Below, two of the three new mothers: Kat and Sopie on the left and Sa and JJ on the right.  Sophie’s face reminds me of the the Campbell’s Soup Kids except with dark hair.

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Below: Can you see the similarity?

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Maybe it is just me.  Anyhow, we had a fun time with Eddy showing a maternal instinct we never knew he had… at least for a few minutes until he got bored of holding JJ, below.  Ultimately, he needed Tawn’s help.  Good attempt at mustering a smile at only about eight weeks old, JJ!

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As time goes by, I think our gatherings are going to look more and more like the picture below.  Family gatherings, with “family” defined in a variety of ways.  From left to right: Mon, Chris, Tawn, Sophie, Kat, Job (holding JJ), Sa, and Eddy. 

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Visit from Mother-in-Law

P1050523 Sunday afternoon my mother-in-law, Khun Nui, stopped by the house.  For the longest time she had never been over here, then when Elle did the photo shoot she came over.  Subsequent to that, she has been a frequent visitor, stopping by whenever her husband is away.

While Tawn’s father is largely operating in extended “don’t ask, don’t tell” mode, Tawn’s mother knows what’s going on and seems pretty happy to have me as a son-in-law.  Although there are occasional moments when I think she’s holding out hope that Tawn will change his mind.

She made a comment the other day about another member of the their extended family having a wedding and how Tawn wasn’t getting married, to which I responded that we could go ahead and have a wedding for the family.  She shot me a look that was one part “you’re crazy” and another part “what are you talking about?”

Two summers ago, Tawn and his parents went to Italy to visit the family for whom Khun Nui had worked as an au pair for two years before Tawn was born.  Khun Nui has remained in touch with Joanna, the Italian mother, and her oldest two children whom Khun Nui helped raise.

P1050527 The oldest of these children will be married this July and the plan is for Tawn to take his parents back to Italy to attend the wedding, possibly extending it into a two week trip to see more of Europe. 

This is a very Thai thing: older parents do not go off on holiday without their children accompanying them.  Much in the way that in years past farmers gave birth to many children in order to have a supply of labor on the farm, nowadays Thai parents have children in order to have a supply of tour leaders, travel agents, and porters when going on holiday.

While we canceled our Spring trip back to the US because of cost overruns on the condo remodel, Tawn’s father will pick up his costs for the Europe trip, so it shouldn’t be much of a burden.  With a few weeks free, maybe I should scrape up a few baht and fly back to the US and enjoy some peaches, nectarines, and beefsteak tomatoes!

 

Things that come up during a move, part 1

Sudha Nui SF 2003 2 When you are packing and organizing in advance of a move, all sorts of things are rediscovered that you haven’t seen in a long while. 

Most of the time, that’s a sign that the thing you’ve rediscovered is pretty unimportant and you could donate it to charity.  Sometimes, though, the rediscovery is a good one and the thing is useful to find again.

In a box near the TV and stereo I found this small Fujifilm Instax picture taken of Tawn and myself and Tawn’s parents.  They were visiting him in 2002 and we went to Fringale restaurant in San Francisco. 

This was taken near the end of the meal, after we (primarily Khun Sudha and I) had consumed the better part of three bottles of wine.  Khun Nui had had just a sip and Tawn, the driver, had maybe a glass.

After Tawn dropped me off back at home – I was still living on Eureka and 21st I think – I could barely walk down the hall, having to use both hands on the wall to steady myself against the spinning.

The next morning, Tawn’s father reported to him that he had “almost” been drunk the night before.  That was when I realized I (or at least, my liver) would never be able to compete with my father-in-law.

Last Day in the US Spent in NYC

Saturday in New York City.  Upper East Side, Lexington and 84th.  Holly’s lived in this charming corner apartment on the third floor for 14 years. Needless to say, the rent is a steal, and it is a charming neighborhood. 

Last night we walked a few blocks down to Tiramisu, a local Italian restaurant.  It was about nine o’clock and the restaurant was crowded as we arrived.  Fortunately, the maitre d’ was someone that Holly had known several years ago so we were seated quickly.  In fact, they must have been good friends, because he came back and refilled our glasses of wine and was very attentive.

The food was good – it is a neighborhood type of restaurant – satisfying but not too fancy.  I had the daily risotto special, which featured asparagus, arugula, and large fresh shrimp.  Interestingly, it was served in a hollowed-out grapefruit perched atop additional risotto.  Tasty.

The tiramisu itself was fantastic, a good size brick that Holly and I shared.

Hard to believe, or maybe not so hard, that the time has come for my move.  After several years of possibility, sixteen months of planning, and three months of actual organization and execution, the day has arrived.  The first twenty-two plus years were stationary; the next dozen have been downright nomadic. 

This morning I met my protoge and now boss, Kim Fordham, for brunch at Danal – a fantastic, eclectic brunch place that looks like your English great-grandmother’s back patio.  It was very nice.  While waiting for Kim and her friend Pat, I sat on a bench in the front window and played with the resident cat, a fat white and black long-hair.  She was quite fond of me and I spent the remainder of the afternoon removing white cat fur from my black wool jacket.

During the afternoon I browsed at Strand Books, one of the largest used bookstores in the world.  I picked up Ruling Your World: Ancient Strategies for Modern Life by Sakyong Mipham.  While the book doesn’t have anything “new” to say – common sense, really – it is interesting to read how the basic messages of not being so centered on “me” are packaged.

This evening, I’ll meet up with Aaron Wong and Keith Chan for drink at G Lounge – a bar in Chelsea.  Then Holly and I will have a late dinner (9:00) at Blue Hill.  One of my favorite restaurants in New York, this cozy spot with acclaimed chefs Dan Barber and Juan Cuevas features – their words – “Seasonal American food featuring the produce of the Hudson Valley.” 

Bonus: Last night I took my thirteen months’ collection of coins to the grocery store.  After CoinStar’s 8.9% service charge, I still had $108.36.  Enough to pay for my cab from LaGuardia and then to JFK airport.  Ha.

Second Bonus: Here’s a photo I snapped at my bon voyage party thrown by my sister, Jennifer, last week.  My niece, Emily, my father, and Jennifer’s dog Zoe were in a three way tug of war in which Emily ended up the loser!

Many thanks to Jenn and Kevin for hosting the party.  It was a lot of fun to spend time with all our family members as well as dear friends.

Remembering My Grandmother

A busy several days.  On 26 July my 92-year old Grandmother, Wilma Schultz, passed away.  She had lived a very long life with lots of adventures, but in the past 18 months her health had begun to decline and she had said several times that she was ready to go.  So when she peacefully slipped away late Tuesday evening, I was glad that her wish had come true.

 

On Thursday 4 August we held a memorial service to celebrate her life.  A de facto family reunion, about four dozen people gathered at my grandmother’s church – St. Mark’s United Methodist – to listen to her favourite poems and psalms, to sing her favourite hymns, and to share stories about her life.

 

One of the passages that the minister read was this poem from the Unitarian Church’s daily devoitional.  (Interesting because my Grandmother was a Methodist.)  I think it is quite inspirational.

 

 

Life

 

By William Arthur Ward

 

The adventure of life is to learn.

 

The purpose of life is to grow.

 

The nature of life is to change.

 

The challenge of life is to overcome.

 

The essence of life is to care.

 

The opportunity of life is to serve.

 

The secret of life is to dare.

 

The spice of life is to befriend.

 

The beauty of life is to give.

 

The joy of life is to love.

 

 

 

Above: my grandmother as a young lady – probably around 1926

 

Below, left: with my grandfather, Elmer Schultz, out on their farm in Ionia, Missouri (late 1930’s).  Right: their 50th wedding anniversary in 1985

 

 

 

The funny thing about family events like this is that there are so many people you haven’t seen in years and years, and they all know you even if you don’t know them!