Today, I brought a car-load of old DVDs and VCDs to a friend’s house. He is a movie buff who welcomes all stray and unwanted DVDs and did me (and another friend) a favor by taking them off our hands.
Loading up the DVDs, I was amazed by how many I have. It would be safe to say close to 600. Some I received for free, for example during my work with various film festivals. But the vast majority were purchased – movies I loved and wanted to preserve, now largely unplayable as I have neither a TV nor a DVD player. And, worse, many of them were never played or were played one time at most.
My collection was diverse, spanning many genres and having a good representation of some of the best Hong Kong, Japanese, Thai and Taiwanese films of the past thirty years. And yet, the reality is that I will not watch them again and they could be bringing someone else much more satisfaction.
I did make note of a few titles that I would love to own digitally – but even then, I’m aware that I probably won’t watch them if I buy them. Because I realize that the reason I bought many of these films is more to capture the feeling that I have, of the time I watched the movie. A good example of this is Chungking Express by Wong Kar Wai or The Umbrellas of Cherbourg by Jacques Demy.
These are among my favorite films and are classics. But what I like best about them is how I felt when I watched them. The emotions and the mood. Those will remain, so long as I think of the name of the film. Having the movies themselves will not help unless I truly take the time to watch them.
So I set them free, thanking them Marie Kondo style for the joy they brought, in a fashion, and trying to remember a critical lesson: stop buying things because of the emotions they provoke. Enjoy the emotions but don’t spend the money on something I will just end up giving away.
Some of you may be familiar with the story of how Tawn and I met. It is a good story, one that should be made into a movie or written into a book. It is also a story that took place a long time ago. Twenty years ago, to be exact. So this weekend, we flew to Hong Kong, where the first meeting took place, to celebrate our twentieth anniversary of meeting.
To celebrate, a friend arranged a harbor cruise aboard the Aqualuna, a Chinese junk with vibrant red sails. It was a bit chilly but pleasant to spend 45 minutes viewing the city lights, sipping sparkling wine and munching snacks. This city holds many memories for us and it has changed and grown over the past two decades, just as we have.
Because the friend who arranged this cruise had connections, we were treated to a bit more than the usual level of hospitality and felt very welcome aboard. By the time we disembarked in Tsim Sha Tsui, navigating the step from the bobbing boat to the solid shore was a bit more challenging.
A short walk up the street, we arrived at our dinner destination, Aqua, located on the 28th floor of One Peking Road. Part of the same group as the cruise, we had a romantic table overlooking the harbor below. The service was attentive and the staff surprised us with a dessert platter to celebrate our anniversary.
On a trip to Hong Kong a few years ago, Tawn and I tried something different in the way of dinner conversation: to act as if we didn’t know each other and to ask the questions we would normally ask when first meeting another person. It was a fun way to re-introduce ourselves to each other and to learn a few things that we hadn’t known.
Similarly, Tawn had prepared a list of a dozen or more questions that served as the spark for our dinner conversation Friday night, ranging from questions about our earliest memories to what our family lives were like as children to who our more influential teacher was. While many of the questions covered ground with which we were already familiar, the context felt new and I think it was a chance to rediscover what shapes each other and makes us who we are.
The rest of the weekend was spent visiting friends, including some former colleagues, and wandering around the city seeing familiar sights. This is a city that has always appealed to us, a place that we would love to have the chance to live in. I don’t know if that will ever happen, but it is certainly a place we enjoy getting away to every so often.
As for the twenty years together, what reflections do I have? Twenty years is a long time and so many things have happened that it seems a challenge to make sense of it. When my grandparents celebrated their 75th wedding anniversary two years ago, I asked for some wisdom about how they made it. My grandmother laughed and said, “You take it one day at a time.”
That was a wholly unsatisfying answer but I recognize the truth in it. At every step of the relationship, there have been moments of challenge and frustration that make you wonder how you can stand each other for another minute. And there are moments of joy and bliss when being together seems fore-destined. And those moments sometimes follow one right after the other.
Over dinner, we talked about the secret to our relationship’s longevity. After discussing a few things, we agreed that the biggest factor was that both of us were willing to learn and grow. Relationships don’t work when you expect the other person to do all the changing. Even when the other person has some significant changing that needs to happen, to only thing you can really influence is yourself, so you need to see what change you are capable of – and willing to make.
Who knows what the future holds? But if my grandparents’ genes are any indicator, we could have another forty years or more years ahead of us. So that’s something like 14, 600 days, one at a time. Happy anniversary, honey.
This week, I attended an intense four-day negotiation skills training course. As commercial negotiations are not a part of my job, I have not developed the related skills. I thought I would share some reflections here, as I found it quite insightful.
At my company, we put 56 of our senior leaders through this program this year. Curious to understand more about the program, its content, and how to help the participants apply the learning on the job, I accepted an invitation from the company that runs the program for us, to attend an open session in Manila, held for prospective customers.
Here are some things I learned about negotiation this week, and how I see this applying to me life – even though I don’t do commercial negotiations as part of my job.
The first realization: not all negotiations are the same. This might seem obvious, but people tend to adopt behaviors that are appropriate for only certain types of negotiations. Because of this, they are not as successful in other types of negotiations, because they are using the wrong behaviors.
The different types of negotiations are defined by two factors: the complexity of the deal and the dependence of the relationship between the parties. In a simple deal between two parties who will likely never see each other again (bargaining at Chatuchak Weekend Market in Bangkok, for example), you can haggle over the price. In a complex deal between two parties whose fortunes are intertwined (what helps you will also help me and vice-versa), a more diplomatic approach is necessary – one where trust is high.
The implication for me: recognizing that I’m generally better at negotiations that are more on the diplomatic end of things, where trust-building is necessary. Because of this, I need to treat negotiations that are more on the haggler end with a more appropriate set of behaviors: I need to speak less, listen more. I need to state my position or offer unambiguously and then stay quiet. I need to make more extreme opening positions and then have a stepped plan to move into a more acceptable range of prices. And I need to flinch when a counter-offer is made.
The second realization is the idea of creating more value. When people see a negotiation as only a give-take scenario (“who gets the largest slice of the pie”), it limits the possibilities. As you move towards more diplomatic negotiations, you have an opportunity to increase the overall value of the deal.
The analogy the instructor used was of poker chips. Imagine there is a stack of blue chips on the table. They represent the price of what is being negotiated. That is a major variable and we will negotiate over who gets how big a share of those chips. But there are other chips, too.
In your hand, you have green chips. And your counter-party has red chips. Chose chips represent variables that have low marginal value for the person holding them, but which could provide high additional value for the other party. The negotiation can proceed as a series of “if you, then we” statements:
If you could increase the payment terms by 30 days, we could increase our total order by 1,000 units.
If you could reduce the price by 10%, we could run a special promotion featuring your products on our website home page and give you a featured location next to the cash register.
If you could help me fold the laundry, I could walk the dog after dinner.
These conditional trades allow much more value to be added to the deal, so that everyone has a greater satisfaction with the outcome. It takes understanding what variables are important to you and some research and assumptions about what variables will be important for the other party. And it takes a lot of trust-building behaviors.
The implication for me: spend more time thinking about what is important to other parties and consider how I can create more value by adding things to the deal in exchange for other things that are valuable for me. As the instructor put it, “if you give something, you get something”.
The week was a busy one and it was personally fulfilling. I have a lot more to learn about negotiation and the best way is to practice. So if you have any negotiations you are preparing for, I would be happy to talk through them with you and help you plan your strategy.
Our trip in May and June focused mostly on almost two weeks in Greece: eight nights in Athens and five in Santorini. Greece was not a country high on my priority list. In fact, we ended up there only because my niece wanted to visit, after studying ancient Greece in her history class. But I’m glad I went. It is a bit rough around the edges but has its charms, and as a value for money, is pretty good.
There’s the history. Especially in Athens, you see the places that your seventh grade ancient history teacher taught you about. That’s pretty amazing.
There’s the food. Grecian food is, like most Mediterranean food, fairly rustic. The ingredients are excellent and there are some great values to be had for both food and wine.
There’re the sunsets. We saw some pretty nice sunsets in both Athens and Santorini. I don’t know if I would travel all the way to Greece just for sunsets, but they made the trip all the better.
I’ve added two pages to the Greece section of my travel blog. I hope you will enjoy reading them, will share them with anyone you know who is traveling that way soon. And, please, provide any feedback and share your suggestions.
To read more about the Athens part of the trip, click here.
To read more about the Santorini part of the trip, click here.
In May 2019, we stopped for three nights in Munich en route to a holiday in Greece. Three nights seems about right for this city of 1.5 million. Below are some highlights from the visit. You are welcome to use my Google map, which has these spots and additional suggestions.
Some sixty percent of old Munich was destroyed by United States and Allied bombing in World War II. Unlike many cities, which rebuilt in a more modern style, the people of Munich decided to rebuild the city much as it had been. Thanks to this, the Aldstadt (old city) is charming and fun to explore. Thanks to a later decision (in the 1970s, I think) to pedestrianize many parts of the Aldstadt, it is also easy to explore.
I had heard about the beer gardens and, sure enough, they are everywhere. Many operate only when the weather is decent. Thankfully, Munich has some of Germany’s sunniest weather! The good news is, you are allowed in most cases to bring your own food so long as you buy your drinks from the operator of the beer garden. While I’m not a big beer drinker, something about being there makes a nice Heffeweissen the perfect drink on a sunny day. Tables are communal, which adds to the fun.
Most of what Americans know about German culture comes from Bavaria. This is especially true when it comes to food. It is generally a heavy, pork-oriented cuisine. That said, there are actually plenty of ways to eat lightly. Food is also reasonably priced, so you can eat well without breaking the bank. Some places we tried and enjoyed – additional recommendations in the Google Map.
Beim Sedlmyr – the real deal, a friendly and homey place to eat Bavarian food in the center of the Aldstadt.
Wirsthaus Zur Brez’n – this is a slightly more updated version of Bavarian food. Still recognizable as the original thing but with a bit more sophistication. The picture above came from our dinner at the Wirsthaus.
Cafe Glockenspiel – perched on the fifth floor overlooking the city hall and main square, this is a good place for brunch or lunch and it has a nice view of the rooftops and the top-of-the-hour playing of the mechanical glockenspiel in the clock tower across the square.
Viktualienmarkt – a daily food market and a square in the center of the Aldstadt, basically a farmer’s market with lots of local specialties ready to eat
You’ll notice that I haven’t included Munich’s most famous spot, the Hofbrauhaus, for which the song “In Munchen Stadt Ein Hofbrauhaus” was written. The guidebooks say it is good fun. Maybe so. I’d rather not deal with the madness.
There is some interesting shopping available in Munich. The Manufactum Warenhaus, pictured above, is a mash-up of Eddie Bauer, Restoration Hardware, Dean and Deluca and Williams Sonoma. You could easily spend an hour or more browsing and will probably buy something.
Next door is Dallmayr Delikatessenhaus, a grand food emporium that serves both fresh food and canned goods and confectionaries. Think the Bon Marche in Paris or Harrod’s Food Hall in London. Great place to buy some food for a picnic or a bar of Bavarian chocolate to take home.
Soda Munich is a great magazine and book store with unique and artsy magazines from around the world and coffee table and art books.
Roeckl makes leather accessories, especially famous for their driving gloves. Several locations throughout town.
There are many historic places to visit. One that is particularly over-the-top is the Munich Residenz, the former royal palace of the Wittelsbach monarchs of Bavaria. The dining hall is pictured above. Lots of gilt and gaudiness, an example of why monarchy collapsed under its own weight but still fascinating to see.
Munich has several good art museums and the BMW Welt is an automotive museum dedicated to the hometown marque.
As mentioned, Munich is Germany’s sunniest city and there is a very large and lovely English Gardens in town. There are plenty of places to stroll, bicycle, etc. but one thing worth checking is the surfing that takes place at a somewhat naturally formed continuous wave near the park’s entrance.
Munich Airport is one of the most logical, clean and well-organized in the world. Trains to the city center run frequently and inexpensively. The main train station is called München Hauptbahnhof, a short walk from the Aldstadt.
You can get around the Aldstadt easily on foot. The transit system works easily and the ticket-selling machines are self-explanatory. You can also use Uber.
We stayed at the Mercure City Center hotel just a block from the Hauptbanhof and found it very convenient as most of the transit lines connect through there and much of the Aldstadt is a 10-minute walk away. There are also plenty of hotels inside the Aldstadt.
Hope you enjoy your trip to Munich. Please feel free to share your experiences in the comments.
Imagine a town fell asleep in the middle ages, only to wake up, unchanged, in the 1900s. Rothenburg ob der Tauber is the best-preserved medieval village in Germany and despite its large numbers of tourists, remains a charming and worthwhile destination.
Located a three-hour train ride from Munich, about half-way to Frankfurt, Rothenburg ob der Tauber is well worth a visit. A German colleague suggested it and her words were echoed by travel writer Rick Steves, it is hopelessly touristy but incredibly charming. Here’s how we approached the visit and suggestions I would add based on our experience.
How to get there
If you are doing a driving trip across Germany, then by car is easy enough. Otherwise, you will have to take the Deutsche Bahn, Germany’s national railroad. While the Germans seem to complain a lot about it, we found it easy-to-use, clean and punctual. From Munich, it takes about three hours and two connections, but this works smoothly.
Visit the ticket office at the Munich main train station and the helpful English-speaking agents will show you options and answer your questions. There is a discounted “Bavaria pass” that offers better train rates and they will offer this to you.
When you arrive in Rotthenburg (note there are multiple Rotthenburgs in Germany – you need to specify “ob der Tauber” which means “above the Tauber” river), there is a map showing the town and it is a five-minute walk up the gentle hill into the old city.
What to do and see
The old city is compact enough, that you could easily wander around. There is an information office in the main square that has maps and free guided tours are held several times a day in English and other languages.
My suggestion: download Rick Steves’ free Audio Europe app, which has many audio guides and a well-made hour-long guided tour of Rothenburg with clear directions.
St. Jakob’s Church is a beautiful structure, formerly Catholic and now Lutheran, you are able to explore the area around the main altar. Be sure to walk behind it, so you can see the additional details on the back side. Also, on the opposite end of the nave, climb the stairs and see the area behind the organ’s pipes. There is a second wooden temple there, which is exquisite in its detail. The entrance fee is modest.
The castle garden towards the western end of town is a quiet place, away from many of the tourists. You can enjoy some fantastic views of the surrounding countryside and appreciate why Rothenburg is so well-situated to defend against marauding hordes.
Walk the walls. A large section of the wall that surrounds the town can be accessed, with stairs located at each tower. You can walk along the sentry’s path, taking in impressive views of the town and peeking through the arrow slits to see the surrounding countryside and the newer section of the town. The section of the town along the walls is quieter and away from most of the tourists. You can safely wander about and explore.
Eating, shopping and sleeping
Restaurants in the town will be mostly touristy – there’s no getting around that. We found a quieter place on Havengasse called Gasthof zur Sonne (Guesthouse under the Sun) also marked at Hotel Sonne on Google Maps. It had nice service and a slightly more sophisticated lunch than the hearty Bavarian food around the corner at the places with menus in eight languages. That said, we did not eat anywhere else so cannot compare.
The main streets are chock-a-block with souvenir shops. We found that with a bit of exploring, there are shops offering interesting items that differ from what is found in other shops. Take some time to explore – Christmas ornaments are especially fitting here.
Should you stay or should you go? While this made a good day trip (left Munich at 7:30 am, back by 8:00 pm) it was a lot of train travel. If we could have spent a night in Rothenburg, that would have allowed us to enjoy the city later in the day once it had quieted down and early in the morning before all the tourists arrive.
Last November, the day after my birthday, there were two major shifts in the tectonic plates of my life. I recognized quickly that these would have significant ramifications and while they are still playing out, I can see more clearly what the results of the first shift have been. This afternoon’s lunch is evidence enough:
That would be Tawn and me having lunch (at KFC) with my father- and mother-in-law. Such an event would have been unthinkable for the first nearly 19 years of our relationship, but has quickly become a regular event. So much so, that we have progressed from rather formal meals to casual, ad hoc ones.
I am really happy at this turn of events and, as I said to Tawn, it is a good reminder that none of us can predict the future. Things can change, rapidly and drastically. No matter how untenable you find a situation to be, it is possible for it to change.
Of course, I am also happy because I now have the opportunity to better get to know the people who most shaped who my husband is. Spending time with Khun Sudha and Khun Nui, I see behaviors, gestures, and nuances that strike a familiar chord, played in only a slightly different key by Khun Tawn. This allows me to appreciate him more fully, because I have the context of how he became who he is.