Swimming Lessons

Ater the weekend at the beach resort last month with some of Tawn’s high school friends and their young children, the mothers decided to enroll their children in swimming lessons.  The pool is not far from our neighborhood, so once a week I take a break from my work and ride over to encouage the little ones as they learn to swim.

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The two youngest ones, Kiri (with his mother, Tao) and Jaeda (with her mother, Saa), both enjoy the water but Jaeda seems a bit more ready for swim lessons.  Even after a half-dozen of them, Kiri doesn’t seem to enjoy any activity that gets his face wet.

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By ten minutes into the half-hour lesson, Kiri’s upper lip is trembling and tears are making the pool salty.  I feel a bit guilty because as I stand on the side of the pool, he will look at me every so often as if to ask, “Why are you just standing there, letting me suffer?”

 

Thoughts on My 40th Birthday

Since the day my nieces, now ages 4 and 7, were born, I have been writing them letters. These letters are being collected in a box for them to open when they turn 18. The letters are a combination of funny anecdotes about their childhoods, memories of my life, snapshots of daily activity, and also my reflections on issues, events, or subjects that I think would be worthwhile for them to read when they are young adults.

Normally, I don’t share these letters. But in light of today’s milestone, I thought I would share the letter I wrote to them today.  If you’re keen to watch the video version of me reading it, it is embedded below.  Otherwise you can just read it.


Dear Emily,

Today is my 40th birthday. In honor of the occasion, I want to take a few minutes to collect my thoughts at this milestone birthday and share them with you. Most people seem to dread each passing year and milestone birthdays depress them. Quite the opposite to this, I have found that each passing year gets better. I learn more about life, make new friends, have new experiences, and perhaps gain a little wisdom. To that end, if any of the wisdom I attempt to dispense in this letter turns out to be incorrect, I’ll still have my 50th birthday on which to correct myself before you are old enough to read these letters.

There are myriad lessons on life that are worth learning. Some that strike me as the most useful:

Live to your fullest potential. Your life is an empty vessel that will be filled with experience, activity, relationships, and accomplishments. How full will your life be? So few people are born with the advantages you enjoy. Honor that privilege by making the most of it.

Most people go through life not paying attention. Especially in a world in which communication is happening more quickly and the volume of information we wade through gets greater by the day. By not paying attention, people miss out on a lot of the beauty, a lot of the details, a lot of the important things, and a lot of the opportunities that come along.

The beauty brings joy, the devil truly is in the details, the important things can easily get lost in the chaff, and the opportunities can end knocking on an unanswered door.

Opportunities tend to present themselves more clearly than you would expect. Not only do you have to be paying enough attention so as to recognize them, you also have to be willing to take advantage of them.

Be willing to take risks, explore, push your boundaries, and test your limits. This doesn’t mean that you should do foolish things – although a little foolishness can be a good thing – but rarely will you grow if you only stay within your comfort zone. Try things that you think you couldn’t possibly do and you will be surprised by how things end up just being the baby steps to even greater accomplishments.

Exercise. Not only should you test your limits in terms of experience but you should also push yourself physically. Modern life is increasingly sedentary, a lifestyle for which our bodies are ill-suited. Make movement a part of each day. This doesn’t mean you have to be an athlete, nor do you need to suffer from worry and self-consciousness about your body. Just be active. You will have a greater appreciation for your body and will be healthier for it.

Eat well but don’t fret about food. Americans (and, increasingly, other cultures) have come to obsess about food in an unhealthy way. Enjoy food, but enjoy good food. Too often we mistake an overabundance of additives and preservatives that trick the chemistry of our tongue and brain for truly enjoyable and satisfying food. Eat a wide variety of foods, both for your good health as well as for the enjoyment of trying new things. Practice moderation in all things, including moderation.

Human beings are social creatures. Cultivate relationships by giving unconditionally, without the expectation of getting anything in return. Be caring and compassionate. Give to others, be charitable, be generous.

Assume the best of others. Be quick to forgive, quick to assume you have misunderstood, quick to let go of anger or grudges. They are seeds that bear only bitter fruit.

Things do not buy you happiness. There is nothing you will buy in this life that you will be able to take with you, so don’t accumulate unnecessary things. When you do spend your hard-earned money on things, wait before buying. Compare quality and buy the best quality you can afford, for it is better to have a few good things that last years than an abundance of things that break or wear out quickly.

Be thankful for the things you have – not the physical things – but the blessing of your life. Even when you are facing suffering and difficulties, it is all but certain that there are millions of people whose lives are much worse off than your own. While that may seem cold comfort at that moment, if you can focus your attention on the blessings you do have, it will make you appreciate the situation more.

Finally, cultivate happiness in the present. There is nothing you can do about the days that have passed. There is nothing to be gained by worrying about the days that are to come. There is only one moment that exists, and that is “now”. So be fully present in the now, enjoy it, and make the most of it.

Those are my words of wisdom to you on my 40th birthday. We’ll see how well they hold up when you read them in another eleven years. By then, I may have revised them significantly. But I suspect that while I will learn more lessons in life, these fundamentals won’t change all that much.

Love,

Uncle Chris

What about you?  What lessons have you learned over your years?  What advice would you want to share with someone who is becoming an adult?

Things I Wish I Had Known When I Started Working

j0426646 A few weeks ago, Kari wrote a very thoughtful entry titled “Things I Wish I Had Known in My 20s“, which I linked to from this blog.  Kenny left a comment on my blog that, as someone in his early twenties just entering the workforce, he had hoped there would be some career advice.

I’ve spent the past few weeks mulling over the lessons I’ve learned in twenty years of working and would like to share these things I wish I had known when I started working.  Of course, I don’t claim that it is comprehensive.  What things do you wish you had known when you started working?

 

Lessons About Myself

I am responsible for my own growth and development.  My manager, the training organization and HR are all resources to help me, but ultimately I am the responsible party.

As such, I should always be learning.  Learn from each situation: ask what went well and what could be done better next time and then apply the lessons. 

Step up and volunteer for things.  Timid and shy people who are afraid of new assignments and more work, are the ones who miss out on the opportunities.

Manage expectations.  “Under-promise and over-deliver”, as they say.  By setting realistic expectations with others, I avoid some of the the stress of trying to meet unrealistic deadlines.  That doesn’t mean that I won’t have tough deadlines to meet, but at least they won’t be tough deadlines of my own making.

 

Lessons About Companies

Yes, it is my job and yes, I am paid to do that.  My job is to help the company succeed and as long as I am not breaking any laws or violating company policies, then I’ll enjoy greater success by doing it, even if the task is outside my normal job description.

“Up” isn’t the only way to get ahead.  Lateral moves and moves into other parts of the organization can sometimes be better for my long-term prospects than standard promotions.  Consider alternate routes to get where I want.

Sometimes it is better to have to wait for a promotion.  Each time I didn’t get a promotion, I took the opportunity to be much better prepared for it when it I did finally get it.  As a result, I always performed very well in my new role.  Had I been promoted before I was really ready, I would have struggled and possibly failed. 

 

Lessons About Customers

Treat customers the way I want to be treated as a customer.  I had a manager who was an expert at empathizing with customers.  No matter how angry the customer, she won them over and made them feel that she was on their side.  She did the by treating them with respect and caring and by truly listening to them.

Related to that, I wish I had known that I can’t “win” an argument with a customer.  While there may be customers I choose not to do business with, feeling any sense of satisfaction after trouncing a customer in an argument is pointless.  What have I won?  I have lost their business and have sullied my company’s reputation.

 

Lessons About Managers

Offer solutions, not problems.  If I notice a problem or opportunity, think of at least one possible solution before approaching my manager.  That way, I am welcomed as someone who brings solutions rather than being someone my manager regrets seeing at her door.

Managing and doing aren’t the same thing.  I was a great widget maker but when I became the manager of the widget makers, I discovered that it required a new set of skills.  Remember this when criticizing a manager or “the big wigs in HQ”.  Remember this also before gunning for a promotion to a management or supervisory position.

Make my manager look good.  Even if my manager isn’t perfect or has major flaws, trying to make him look bad will only reflect poorly on me and my entire team.  My first manager was a tremendous a**hole and I almost quit because of him.  But I decided I wouldn’t leave on his account.  Sure enough, a few months later he had been fired and I went on to enjoy a very good 15 years with the company.

 

Lessons About Coworkers and Vendors

Treat everyone as a customer.  When I respond to people with a “How can I help you?” attitude, I don’t necessarily get any additional work, but I do get the appreciation of coworkers and vendors who feel like I am a nice person and someone who helps them rather than hinders them. 

Related to that, success in business (and maybe life as a whole) is based on good relationships and strong networks.  Treating people well – not bullying, intimidating, yelling, name-calling or back-stabbing them – paves the road to success.  Because, sure enough, at some point in the future that “little person” I treated well will hold the key to a door through which I want to enter.

 

Lessons About Retirement

Start investing in my 401(k) or other retirement savings from day one.  Even if I can only afford to invest a small amount – even $20 a month – it is better to get into the habit from the very beginning.  The benefits of compound interest and time (forty or more years until retirement) can only accrue if I start saving.  I’ve done well with this, but wish I had started much earlier.

 

Reviewing these, I feel like there are plenty more things I could share, but these are the most critical ones that, had I known them on March 17, 1987 when I entered the workforce, life would have been a whole lot easier and working a whole lot more enjoyable.

What additional advice would you give Kenny?