The Meaning of Dreams

Normally not one to have elaborate dreams, this morning I awoke from an intense, emotionally-gripping one. 

The setting was my maternal grandparents’ house in suburban Kansas City.  Many different family members were there along with a few friends.  We were getting ready for a party and in order to make enough space for guests, I disassembled my grandparents’ bedroom furniture and moved it to another room.  The guests, strangely, were for the most part young Thais who were looking for jobs, as if at some sort of career center.  While at the party they were preparing resumes, practicing interviewing skills, etc.

When it came time for everyone to go home, I scrambled to get things cleaned up and organized.  The bedroom furniture had not yet been correctly reassembled and there were loads of dishes soaking in the sink.  My grandparents returned and my grandfather was very upset, fuming that things had been disturbed and I had not fulfilled my promise to put everything back in order.  My grandmother was calmer, yet I sensed that she was unhappy with the mess in her kitchen.

Suddenly I was outside the house, in their large front yard with huge old trees.  The yard had become a cemetery, though, and I was struggling to get back inside and finish my duties before a group of oddly Victorian mourners approached.

That was the dream.

I would generally describe myself as a person who faces life with equanimity.  Many times, friends and acquaintances have remarked about the “calm under pressure” with which I handle the challenges that life presents.  Whether managing an oversold film festival event or helping someone through the rigors of relationships, I consider myself a steady rock to which people can cling.

But beneath this veneer of calm detachment, I wonder if I’m not deeply afraid of letting those about whom I care, down.  Two themes about which I think this dream may have spoken:

The first is my relationship with my grandparents, vis-a-vis my coming out.  When I came out to my family more than 18 years ago, my grandfather was particularly disapproving and there was, for several years, a rift between us.  He was never mean, but I come from a very religious family and he and my grandmother are the root of our faith, so he saw the issue in the context of “I love you because you’re my grandson, but the Bible tells us that you are also a sinner.” 

(Let’s not get caught up in the religious back-and-forth of believers versus non-believers for the purposes of this post…)

My grandmother was more accepting of the situation and over time, thanks to I don’t know what conversations between them and also my parents, my grandfather’s view moderated.  In 2004, when Tawn and I held our commitment ceremony, both my grandparents were there.  And while they were not able to drive up to Iowa for our recent marriage, due to the discomfort of a long overnight road trip at their age, they were a part of the reception and a mention of our “civil ceremony” even made it into my grandfather’s weekly email missive to extended family members.

When I invited my grandparents to the wedding, I couched the invitation in terms of, “I don’t know if this is something you would be comfortable with, but it would mean a lot to us for you to attend.”  While often preferring to avoid the confrontational issues rather than addressing them, my grandfather acknowledged that his thinking on the topic had “evolved” (his word) over time.

I think it is safe to say that with regards to the first theme in the dream, there is still an unresolved question in my mind of letting my family down, wondering whether I am not the person they expected me to be, even though they have been and become a very wonderful source of support in my life.

A second, related theme emerges from the dream: Recently, a number of friends have shared their troubles.  From relationship problems to medical ones, from aging parents to one friend being infected with HIV by a psychopathic partner in the partner’s desperate attempt to force them to stay together, I have received more stories in the past week than I have in a long time.

For each of these people, I want to provide the very best support I can.  I want to be a good friend.  I want to be there in whatever way I can when they need me. 

And I’m worried that I may not be able to.

I know what you’re going to say.  There isn’t enough time in this life for us to help everyone or to fix everything.  We need to have the serenity to accept the things we can’t change, the strength to change the things we can, and the wisdom to tell them apart.  That’s the Serenity Prayer familiar to those in A.A. and other support groups and undoubtedly applicable to each of our lives.

Yes, I know that.  And generally that’s what I believe.  But if my dreams this morning were any indication, maybe I don’t believe it fully.

The Abba-ettes

Finally, things have settled down enough that I’ve started to go through the video I shot during my three-week trip to the United States.  Many things to share – but of course it takes time to edit all them!  One thing that I was able to pull together fairly quickly was this video.

After dinner at my nieces’ house (ages 3 and 6) and before dinner, there is time to read books… assuming nobody has lost their book privileges because of misbehavior!  One night, my sister and brother-in-law took an evening out so I was looking after the girls.  “Instead of books, can we perform a show?” asked Emily, the older niece.

Well, the “show” was them dancing and singing (kind of) to music from the movie Mamma Mia, the new “it” album of the moment in their house.  Their parents’ bedroom has a sitting area that is set off from the main bedroom in a way that makes the wide arch between the two look a little like a proscenium.

Sadly, they didn’t know all the words so it was mostly a matter of dancing and bouncing around.  But I though you might enjoy the first minute or so of it…

Lots more to share in the coming days and weeks, including exclusive footage from the Kitchen of Zakiah!

Tying up KC

As I mentioned, Saturday evening after the official reception, we had an open house at my sister and brother-in-law’s house to provide for time for visiting.  If you ask me, this was the best part of the weekend.  Not only did we have another four hours to catch up with friends and family members, we also had a chance to eat some of Kevin’s barbecue!

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Above, my grandmother, Anita, my sister and one of my uncles dig into the spread.

These pictures don’t do Kevin’s ability with a smoker justice, but here are the St. Louis style pork spareribs and, below that, the pulled pork shoulder.  With some Carolina-style vinegar sauce, that shoulder was amazing.

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Anita pulled together a caprese salad – ripe local tomatoes with fresh mozzarella cheese, basil chiffonade, and some extra virgin olive oil and balsamic vinegar.  Tasty stuff!

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What is a wedding without a cake?  Even better, why not two of them?  Albert and Trish stopped by a well-known Swiss bakery near the Plaza and came back with these two lovely treats:

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Tawn and I cut the cake and ran into a bit of a culture clash.  In Thailand, the person who controls the cutting of the cake also controls the relationship, or so they say.  I was wondering why it seemed like Tawn was trying to wrest the knife from my hands as we cut!

Sunday morning we were up early to drive Lilian and Anita to the airport for their return flight.  Afterwards, we met Andy and Sugi at Classic Cup Sidewalk Cafe on the Plaza for brunch.

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The company was excellent and the food quite good.  Portions were overwhelming, though.

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Tawn had this southwestern-style quesadilla and scramble.

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Cheesy grits with Italian sausage and fried eggs.  Tasty, but so heavy.  Didn’t finish them.

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Sugi enjoyed this turkey version of eggs benedict.

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Andy had another version of eggs benedict with a side of grits.  If I recall, these had sausage on them?  Andy can correct me in the comments if I’m wrong.

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Above, a cool bike parked in front of the Classic Cup.

After brunch, they headed back up to Omaha.  Really nice having the opportunity to meet them in person and spend lots of time together this week.

Our final days in Kansas City were filled with errands, packing and spending more time with my grandparents.  We scanned many more pictures and also taught my mother how to do the scanning so she can continue the project when I’m back in Thailand.

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Tawn and Emily had some time to do yoga together…

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Ava made it a point to come in each morning and wake Uncle Tawn up.  Here she’s sitting with an apple slice in her hand (notice the bowl on the bed), jabbering away about this, that and the other thing.

Finally, Tuesday morning we closed the bags, said our goodbyes, and headed for the Big Apple.

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Above, Tawn on the flight to NYC.

Stay tuned…

 

The Reception

IMG_0254 Friday evening after returning to Kansas City, Tawn and I met my cousins (one local and two visiting) as well as a few KC-based friends at Cafe Trio.  Trio is a nice restaurant/bar right on the Country Club Plaza shopping center with a nice deck that overlooks JC Nichols Memorial Fountain.  Of course, they couldn’t handle seating for a dozen so we just occupied the bar area, slowly expanding as adjacent drinkers left.

Eventually, one of the owners came over to see if we were planning on eating dinner.  I explained that we wanted a table but the maitre d’ had said they couldn’t accommodate us.  Telling him that it was our wedding night (my gaydar went off when speaking with him, so I figured it couldn’t hurt to mention it) and we wanted a table, he was accommodating and a few minutes later we were sitting at a group of tables on the deck.  Sitting on it was a complimentary bottle of champagne.  Nothing like pulling family strings, huh?

Saturday was the big reception.  We opted for an afternoon reception since our guests included several young children and some older adults for whom a late night event might be tiring.  The site was Lidia’s Kansas City, the first restaurant in Lidia Bastianich’s small chain.  You may know Lidia from her Public Television cooking shows.  The restaurant location is a former freight building across the tracks from Union Station.  It is beautifully designed and their upstairs reception area has lots of light.  We enjoyed great service from our two servers, who really went out of their way to make it a special event.

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Above, Albert makes a very nice toast to our health and happiness. 

It was a lovely reception with lots of family members, family friends and a few close friends who came in for the event.  These included three high school friends who have been close to my family over the decades.

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The meal was a three course menu with a choice of entrees: either a lovely lemon chicken or a trio of homemade pasta with included a wild mushroom ravioli, seafood fettucini and a rigatoni with Italian sausage and broccoli rabe.  Dessert was a lemon olive oil cake with basil sauce.  It was really nice.  All their pasta is freshly made on site, which makes all the difference in the taste and texture.

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In addition to a very thoughtful toast by Albert, a long-time family friend, my mother made a beautiful speech:

Chris and Tawn:

We never thought we would be able to celebrate this occasion of your wedding.  How much joy we feel that it is a reality for the two of you and for our family.

One of the realities of being parents of a gay or lesbian child is that the child is not the only one who much “come out of the closet”.  To continue with our relationship as your parents, we had to come out as well.  We had to grow into the understanding that this is who you are and that it is necessary for us to continue loving you and supporting you in your life because you are our child and everything else is secondary to that fact.  For us, that means sharing your activities with extended family members and friends with the same openness that we share Jennifer and Kevin’s activities.

A similar growth has occurred for your sister, her husband, and more recently their daughters.  Likewise, your grandparents have grown in their understanding of this aspect of who you are.  Aunts, uncles and cousins, to widen the circle, have also experienced a growth of understanding.

This understanding is: You are of us and we are of you and that will never change.

Today the family has gathered around you, both physically and in spirit, to celebrate this road of your life’s journey.  We welcomed Tawn with open arms nine years ago, loving him as your choice of a life partner.   Now, Tawn, we welcome you as Chris’ husband and Chris as your husband.  We love you both with all our hearts and pray that your life together will be strong.

How lucky am I to have such supportive parents and such a supportive family? 

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Knowing that we were heading to New York City next, most of our guests had chipped in to make our visit there very memorable.  The gift bag, which we are opening below, contained a one night’s stay at the Marriott Marquis Hotel in Times Square, two tickets to see the Tony Award-winning show Billy Elliot, and reservations at Eric Ripert’s Le Bernardin, which Restaurant magazine rated the 15th best restaurant in the world this year. 

Such a thoughtful gift!  Something we will really enjoy and, an added benefit, it certainly packs easily!

Saturday evening my sister and brother-in-law hosted an open house, with pretty much all the same guests gathering for further visiting and home-smoked barbecue.  It was nice to have several more hours to visit with everyone, especially since several people flew or drove a long way to visit.

Yes, it was small and not nearly as fancy as many weddings and receptions I’ve been to, but I think it was very nicely suited to who we are and what we value as a couple.

 

Custards and Tatoos

A large part of Wednesday was spent with my maternal grandparents, who are both 89 years old and still very active.  While they, if asked, would qualify that description of “very active”, the number of activities they are still engaged in exceeds what most retirees do, regardless of age.

Despite all my other activities while I’m here, spending time with my grandparents is the most important thing.  I’m working on a larger project which includes scanning hundreds of photos that my grandmother has organized into albums over the years, as well as capturing audio recordings of them telling stories and sharing memories about those photos.  Realizing that our lives have a finite length, I want to capture this part of our family history while I still have the opportunity.

Of course, before that there was some work to do.  My grandfather was sanding and repainting the door, door frame and screen door from the house into the garage.  Since he doesn’t need to be up on a ladder anymore, after lunch I worked on the top half of the project, eventually working my way down and completing it by mid-afternoon.  Painting isn’t my strong point, but I think I did okay.

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P1180015 Sometimes two young nieces are quite a lot to handle – witness the trip to the Mexican restaurant – so divide and conquer is a good technique.  The young one goes to day care, giving some quality time with the older niece.  After running errands on Tuesday with my sister and Emily, we stopped at Sheridan’s for some frozen custard.

Frozen custard seems to be a midwestern specialty – a richer form of ice cream.  They also do “concretes” which are frozen custards blended with toppings, kind of like the Dairy Queen Blizzard, but better.

Here’s a special concrete with brownies blended with vanilla custard, topped with hot fudge.  Tasty combination but of course the hot fudge caused the custard to start melting!

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Emily and Jenn with frozen custard smiles.

♦ ♦ ♦  

P1180306 There has also been quality time with niece number two, Ava.  After the last day of swim lessons, she received a “tatoo”, one of the temporary stickers that adhese to your skin for days at a time.  This one was a tree frog tatoo, significant because her most recent new stuffed plaything is a small brown frog called “coqui”. 

The frog was a gift from my sister and brother-in-law after they took a holiday in Puerto Rico.  It seems “coqui” is what a number of species of small frogs are called there.

This morning, it was off to the tatoo parlor (well, the kitchen) for the application of the new tatoo.  Left side or right side?  Arm or leg?  So many decisions to make when getting such permanent body art!

Left, Ava poses with her new tatoo and coqui. 

After a few days here in Kansas City, I’m heading out today for an overnight trip to Quincy, Illinois to visit Zakiah, also known by many Xangans as ZSA_MD.  This will be a short trip, but one that strengthens the bonds of Xangan community!  Stay tuned for more reporting in the days to come.

 

Happy Mother’s Day Weekend

While there are plenty of entries to write about food and friends and religious holidays, I think I’ll just stick with a single entry this weekend in honor of Mother’s Day. 

Tawn and I regularly eat at a restaurant called Yen Ta Fo Ajarn Maliga.  A matriarchal restaurant chain run by Ajarn Maliga (literally, “Teacher” or “Professor” Maliga), there is a wood plaque near the cash register with a poem engraved in it.

The poem is a bit long and it took me all morning to type it in Thai and then translate it but it is so touching I wanted to share it with you.  This is for my mother, my grandmothers, and all the mothers in our lives.

เมื่อฉันแก่ตัวลง

When I Get Old

เมื่อฉันแก่ตัวลง ไม่ใช่ฉันที่เคยเป็น…
ขอโปรดเข้าใจฉัน มีความอดทนต่อฉันเพิ่มขึ้นอีกสักนิด
ตอนฉันทําแกงหกใส่เสื้อตัวเอง…
ตอนฉันลืมวิธีผูกเชือกรองเท้า…
ขอให้คิดถึงตอนแรกๆที่ฉันใช้มือสอนเธอทําทุกอย่าง…

When I get old, I will not be as before.
Please try to understand me,
Have a bit more patience
when I spill food on my clothes,
when I forget the way to tie my shoes.
Please remember when I used these hands
to first teach you to do these things.

ตอนฉันเริ่มพรํ่าบ่นแต่เรื่องเดิมๆ ที่เธอรู้สึกเบื่อ…
ขอใหอดทนสักนิด อย่าเพิ่งขัดฉัน
ตอนเธอยังเล็กๆ ฉันยังเคยเล่านิทานซํ้าๆซากๆ
ที่เธอชอบฟังจนหลับไป…

When I start to repeat stories you know and are bored of,
Please have just a little patience – don’t cut me off.
When you were still little, I would tirelessly tell you
the stories you loved to listen to again and again.

ตอนฉันต้องการให้เธอช่วยอาบนํ้าให้ อย่าตําหนิฉันเลย
ยังจําตอนที่เธอยังเล็กๆ ฉันต้องทั้งออดอ้อน ทั้งปลอบ
เพื่อให้เธอยอม อาบนํ้าได้ไหม…

When I need you to help me take a bath
don’t complain at all.
Do you remember when you were still a child,
I had to persuade you when you refused to take a bath?

ตอนฉันงงกับวิทยาการใหม่ๆ อย่าหัวเราะเยาะฉัน
จําตอนที่ฉันเฝ้าอดทน ตอบคําถาม “ทําไม ทําไม”
ทุกครั้งที่เธอถามได้ไหม…

When I ask so many questions about new technology,
don’t laugh teasingly at me.
Do you remember when you had your endless questions of, “Why? Why?”
Each time I patiently answered your every question.

ตอนฉันเหนื่อยล้า จนเดินต่อไมไหว
ขอจงยื่นมือที่แข็งแรงของเธอออกมาช่วยพยุงฉัน
เหมือนตอนที่ฉันพยุงเธอให้หัดเดิน…
ในตอนที่เธอยังเล็กๆ

When I tire easily while walking,
please let me hold your hand for strength,
The same as when I held yours when you learned to walk
when you were still a child.

หากฉันเผอิญลืมหัวข้อที่กําลังสนทนากันอยู่
ให้เวลาฉันคิดสักนิด…
ที่จริงสําหรับฉันแล้ว กําลังพูดเรื่องอะไรไม่สําคัญหรอก
ขอเพียงมีเธออยู่ฟังฉัน
ฉันก็พอใจแล้ว

If I happen to forget our topic of conversation,
give me a moment to think.
For me, the topics themselves are not important.
If you will just listen to me,
My heart will be content.

ตอนเธอเห็นฉันแก่ตัวลง ไม่ต้องเสียใจ
ขอให้เข้าใจฉัน สนับสนุนฉัน…
ให้เหมือนตอนที่ฉันสนับสนุนเธอ
ตอนเธอเพิ่งเรียนรู้ใหม่ๆ

When you see me getting old, don’t feel sorry.
Please understand me and support me,
the same as when I supported you
when you were just learning new things.

ตอนนั้นฉันนําพาเธอเข้าสู่เส้นทางชีวิต
ตอนนี้ขอให้เธอเป็นเพื่อนฉัน
เดินไปให้สุดเส้นทาง…
ให้ความรักและอดทนต่อฉัน

Years ago, I brought you into your journey.
Now, please accompany me
as I travel to the end of my journey,
with love and patience for me.

ฉันจะยิ้มด้วยความขอบใจ
ในรอยยิ้มของฉัน…มีแต่ความรัก
อันหาที่สิ้นสุดมิได้ของฉัน
ที่มีให้กับเธอ…

I will smile with thanks,
and in my smiles there will be
the endless love
that I give to you.

จากแม่

From Mother


Have a good weekend and remember to hug a mother this Sunday!
If not yours, than someone else’s.

Wrapping Up in KC

When we last left our hero, he was galavanting around Kansas City after writing a non-chronological entry about ramen soup noodles in San Mateo.  After my colleagues left KC, I was able to properly focus on my holidays, spending time with family and friends and just enjoying a different setting and schedule than usual.

One evening, I met up with Jack.  He’s a Thai expat now living in the Kansas City area and we connected through airliners.net.  Recently, he bought a 70-year old house in the Waldo neighborhood, a funky little area south of the Country Club Plaza.  This was my first chance to see his new home, a typical two-story cookie cutter that has four small bedrooms on the second story, all sharing one bathroom!

Since there are just two of them living in the house, the single upstairs bathroom is hardly a problem.  And, liking clothes every bit as much as Tawn, Jack wisely converted one of the bedrooms into a walk-in closet, below. 

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Of course, the “closet” has two of its own closets.  There is a small one to the left (which you can’t see in the above picture), which holds the off-season clothes.  Then there is the dormer attic space, which Jack uses as a shoe closet, below.  I had to take pictures because I know that if we had the space, Tawn would love something like this.

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We’ve talked about buying the 32-square meter (330 square foot) studio condo next to ours, tearing a door into the wall between the unites, and turning the whole thing into a closet for Tawn.

After showing off his house and introducing me to his pair of very outgoing cats, Jack suggested we head to the aforementioned Country Club Plaza.  The Plaza, the first shopping center in the world to be designed specifically for people arriving by car, is a landmark of Kansas City and really is one of the nicer outdoor shopping developments in the US.  While you are seeing these kind of developments more commonly these days, you have to remember that the origins of the Plaza date back to 1907 and it opened in 1923, years before malls and other shopping centers.

The architectural style is very much based on a Spanish/Moorish motif.  There is beautiful tile work and many fountains and while those on the coasts may scoff at “flyover country”, the Plaza is a good example of what makes the quality of living in Kansas City quite decent.

Here are some photos, taken later in the day so apologies for the long shadows:

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P1080459 Jack and I ended up eating at Houston’s, one of my favorite chain restaurants.  I had one thing on my mind: steak. 

Steaks are expensive and imported here in Thailand, and Kansas City is cattle country so I wasn’t about to pass up the opportunity to try a good steak.  Houston’s delivered with a very nicely marbled rib-eye, tender and flavorful.  Combine that with their excellent cous cous and a glass of very nice cabernet, and it was a pleasant meal.

The only thing Houston’s lacks is proper dessert choices.  There are only two items: the key lime pie and the apple walnut cobbler.  The pie isn’t all that great, in my opinion, and they were out of the cobbler, which actually is worth ordering.  Of course, most of the time I haven’t enough room for dessert after having eaten there, so that’s okay.

After dinner, we walked around the Plaza for a while, visiting.  The weather was a little cooler than normal, still in the low 80s, but just ideal for a summer evening.  Wish that Tawn could have been there to enjoy his Houston’s favorite (knife-and-fork ribs) as well as the good conversation.

 

Tuesday morning I was tasked with taking Emily to swim lessons so Jenn could get some things done and have a little time without youngsters around the house.  The morning started oddly cool, breezy and humid, the chance of rain lending a pronounced “fullness” to the air.  Jenn decided to try and get the lawn mowed and no sooner had she started then the first big drops started to fall.  But they remained very intermittent, so she powered on, moving so fast that she was no more than a blur in the photo below.

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Emily and I were unsure whether the weather would force a cancelation of lessons.  I called the pool’s recorded line and the last weather alert was for a month ago, so we went with the assumption that lessons were on.  I grabbed an umbrella and a magazine and we loaded into the minivan.

We must have arrived very early – ten minutes before class didn’t seem early to me – as there were no other students around.  Emily assured me that this was normal and an instructor, a young lady in her late teens, told me that class was still on.  Unsure of where I was supposed to go, Emily told me to sit in the waiting area and she headed out to find her teacher.

Below, Emily jumps up and down, trying to make it difficult for me to get a good picture.

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Sure enough, about sixty seconds before lesson time a fleet of minivans arrived, divulging several dozen young swimmers.  The mothers, a veritable cast of Desperate Housewives, brought their folding chairs and novels and set up shop.  Some read (the lady in front of me was reading Michael Pollan’s excellent The Omnivore’s Dilemma) while most gossiped.  You would be shocked with what’s going on amongst neighbors in suburban Kansas City!

Since it was raining, the instructors decided it was Safety Day.  This is the day when the children at each level learn various safety skills.  In the picture below, you can see Emily holding the safety flotation device, about to throw it to “save” one of her classmates.

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To avoid distractions, the adults were forced to sit in a confined area away from their children, so I had to use the telephoto feature on my camera.  Not too bad, actually, considering how far away I was.

It was a really cool morning and I had on my sweatshirt and was still shivering.  The pool is in an exposed area and the wind blew sharply across the deck.  When Emily finished lessons she was quite chilly, too, so we decided a stop at the neighborhood Starbucks for some hot cocoa would be a good idea.

That afternoon we had BLTs for lunch.  Bacon, lettuce and tomato – what a perfect combination.  I should have this in Thailand as all three ingredients are available.  But the tomatoes here are just not the same.  We don’t do beefsteak tomatoes.

Many insist that mayonnaise is the correct condiment, although I prefer peanut butter.  Everything is better with peanut butter.  Well, not scrambled eggs, but most things.

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I spent a fair amount of time my final few days in KC working on a photo scanning project.  My grandmother made the effort several years ago to organize their thousands of photos into binders, usually by child.  Many of the photos have names, dates and locations, which is a good start.

A few years ago, I decided to start scanning these photos and collecting them digitally.  Then I can post them to the family and ask people to add more details: stories and memories that will bring the photos to life.  Eventually, I’d like to create and print photo albums for the various grandchildren and, eventually, great-grandchildren like Emily and Ava.

During this week, I managed to scan and document about four hundred photos, just a scratch in the surface.  Future trips will have to include more scanning, so I know what I’ll be doing this Christmas.

In a future post, I’ll include some of those family photos, to see if you can trace any family resemblances.

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After one day of scanning, Jennifer and Emily stopped by to pick my up at my grandparents’ house.  While there, Emily went upstairs to check on the progress of my grandmother’s sewing projects.  Among other things, she wanted to take measurements to make a dress for Emily.  Amazing that my grandmother is still working on projects like this at her age.  But then, both my grandparents keep incredibly busy.  They have more on their schedules than I do!

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Finally, on one of my final evenings in Kansas City, Jenn, Emily and Ava tried on the matching pink pajamas that Tawn bought for them.  There was an evening of peace and calm as we read bedtime books together, no fussing, crying, or tumult.  What a perfect evening!

 

Cobblers

Within my first few days back in the United States, it occurred to me that I should be making a list.  What are the differences I particularly notice between life in the US and Thailand?  Of course, I wouldn’t include the obvious things like there being no elephants plodding down streets in the US.

The occurrence didn’t translate into action, so I’ll just have to share observations as I think of them.  A few differences that do spring to mind:

Car alarms – I just don’t hear these in Thailand at all, although I know cars have alarms.  In the US, both in San Francisco then again in Kansas City, blaring car alarms were a frequent auditory intrusion.

Fresh cooking – Far from an exhaustive and scientifically valid analysis, my perception is that the percentage of restaurants that cook food from scratch, using fresh food, is much higher in Thailand than in the US.  Chains, chains, chains is what I see a lot of here, followed by many restaurants that still rely on a lot of canned and frozen goods.  Sure, the fine dining restaurants are a likely exception, but that’s not what most people eat most of the time.

Those are just two observations.  If I remember more, I’ll share them.

P1080161 My sister and her family have a new puppy.  They lost their companion of seven years of so, Zoe, to cancer about two weeks ago.  It was a tough loss for them and I don’t think they were planning on finding another dog anytime soon.  But a trio of puppies literally appeared on their doorstep and after the owner was located, they decided to adopt one of them, another blonde labrador.

He arrived two days before me and I was honored to participate in the name selection process.  It looks like “Jasper” in the one that will stick.

Jasper was still adjusting to life with a new family and seems to have an inverted biological rhythm: he is up at night and sleeps a lot during the day.  Maybe this is just an adjustment phase and he isn’t used to sleeping alone at night?

Anyhow, he is cute and a lot calmer than Zoe was.  Definitely not an Alpha Male.  Jenn and Kevin are reading a small book about training their dog as Zoe didn’t have the same opinion of her position in the family as they did.

Ava was best friends with Zoe whereas Emily was a little cool towards him.  Jasper, however, receives the full affections – some would say abuse – of both girls.  His kennel is an interesting addition to the sun room, too.  Several times we found Ava and Jasper playing together where Ava was inside the cage and Jasper was outside, looking confused by the arrangement.

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Saturday morning was buttermilk biscuits.  You’ve seen these on the blog before, homemade, flaky, just begging to be slathered in butter and preserves of – better yet – sausage gravy.  So that’s just what we did: whipped up a batch of country sausage gravy.

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With that satisfying start to the day sticking to our ribs, we set off for the Overland Park Farmer’s Market.  When you think about the number of farms in Kansas and Missouri, it is amazing that farmer’s markets aren’t more prevalent.  For those of you outside the United States, these are just like your regular fresh markets almost anywhere else except that the actual farmers (or their families and friends) do the selling direct to the public.  The other difference is that this way of conducting business is seen as a novelty rather than the standard way of buying your produce.

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My objectives were clear.  The things I missed from the Midwestern US that you can only buy in Thailand at a dear price were stone fruits (peaches, nectarines, plums, cherries) and ripe beefsteak tomatoes.  Sweet corn is on that list, too, although we get pretty good corn in Thailand throughout the year.

Knowing that the extended family would be over Sunday for lunch and I was responsible for dessert, I loaded up on peaches and blackberries.  Blackberries the size of my thumb!  Yum!

Pictures in a moment.

Saturday night I met up with Trish for an interesting night at KC Pride – the gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered Democratic Party organization for Kansas City, Missouri.  I know what you are thinking: Is there such a thing?

Indeed there is and while a pretty small group, it is tight knit and active on the political scene, ensuring that Democratic candidates understand the issues relevant to the community and act on them.

The evening’s event was a series of auctions, both silent and live.  Wine, cheese and snacky food was served.  Trish tells me that turnout was much better last year – there were only about fifty people there this year and ten of those were elected officials or those running.  In fact, the number of “straight allies” seemed to outnumber the members of the GLBT community.

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One highlight of the evening was the game of “heads or tails”.  The prize was a fabulous package included a hotel stay and a nice dinner.  You bought a strand of beads for $10 and then when the time came, all participants stand up and place their hands either on their head or their “tail”. 

A coin is tossed.  Those with their hands in the same place as the coin, continue to the next round.  Eventually, it came down to a pair of people.  Unfortunately, Trish was knocked out in two rounds.  But you have a fifty-fifty chance each step of the way, right?

P1080296 Afterwards, we stopped by the Coffee Cup on the Plaza for a shared dessert.  Blackberry cobbler, pictured right.  Just a preview of what I would bake the next morning.  The restaurant was shutting down but we lingered, catching up on what was going on in each other’s lives.  As I finished my glass of port, the bartender came over and gave me my second glass of free wine on this trip: a double, in fact, of an even nicer port wine.

He said something, but I didn’t quite understand why I was the recipient of this generosity.  No matter, though.  As my mother always said: never look a gift glass of port in the mouth.  Or something like that.

 

Sunday

While everyone was off at Church Sunday morning, I started my baking.  First the blackberry cobbler, then the peach.  Interestingly, the topping for the peach cobbler (right) was more moist than the one for the blackberry cobbler, making for a different result when I baked it.  Both tasty, I might add.

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Later in the morning, Tawn called and gave me an update on his trip to Italy.  It sounds like things are going well and he is having fun with his parents, although with the occasional frustration that comes when you spend a lot of time with the same people all day and night long.  This happens on most trips, I think.

Below, Ava talks to Tawn on the phone.  How much of it he understood, I don’t know, but they chatted on for several minutes.

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You might have noticed that there are more pictures of Ava than of Emily.  By the fourth day of my visit, after she would only make silly faces when I took snaps, Emily announced that I take too many pictures.

I found myself channeling my parents when out of my mouth came my reply, “When you are my age, you’ll appreciate having all these pictures.”  Yikes!  “When you are my age… !?”  Where did that come from?

Sunday afternoon my grandparents, aunt and uncle, another uncle, and two cousins came over for an indoors “picnic” as temperatures were very hot outside.  Jenn bought sandwich makings and my grandmother made deviled eggs.  Not the fanciest food, but quintessentially American cuisine.

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Below, my grandfather reads to Ava.

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One of my cousins, Kari, actually flew in to KC for the weekend from her home in Nashville.  It was nice that she did that, as I don’t have enough opportunities to see my cousins.

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We posed for some pictures in the back yard.  Above: me, Kelly, Kari and Jenn.

Finally, it was time to serve dessert.  Topped with a little freshly whipped cream, we had the peach cobbler (the more popular of the two):

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And my personal favorite, the blackberry cobbler:

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Blackberry cobbler with a biscuit dough topping is just one of those great foods.  Very satisfying, it captures the essence of summer.  The berries were so ripe and sweet that I had to add only a little bit of sugar, maybe 1/4 cup for the entire cobbler.  It was fantastic.

 

Summertime and the Cooking is Easy

After the business was wrapped up, it was time to focus on the family – James Dobson allusion intended.

This meant staying at my sister and brother-in-law’s and spending maximum quality time with the nieces, Emily and Ava.  Since I last saw them in October, they’ve grown up so fast.  Emily, in particular, has gone from being pretty whiny to being a young lady who is very capable and interested in helping.  Such a pleasant change!

We did a lot of cooking and most of the time, Emily decided to be sous chef.  She’s at the age where she can handle a knife (under very close supervision) and has only lost a few fingers so far.  Just kidding…

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Above, in preparation for dinner Emily chops peppers and I slice carrots to go with my homemade hummus.

Below, our spread of pasta with fresh tomatoes and onions, mixed green salad with walnuts (Jenn made this), and a gratineed dish of summer squash and zucchini.

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Emily was very proud of her contributions to the cause.  I was very proud of her contributions, too.  Below, she points to the pasta she helped make.  Worth noting that, true to form, she refused to actually try it.  There is a precedent to this that you might find funny.

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Our pickiest customer was Ava, Emily’s younger sister.  She was even less willing to try my food.  How could someone from my family not be willing to try new things?  Maybe they aren’t actually related to me!

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Above, Ava has decided she is too grown up (at two years old) to wear a bib, so she wears an oversize t-shirt during her meals.

After dinner, we took a trip to the park.

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It is nice to see my family again. 

 

Secret images snuck in from Soi Soonvijai

Recently Tawn asked me to upload some photos from his camera so I could email them to a friend.  Along the way I took an opportunity (with his permission, of course) to see what other interesting snaps he had in there that he wasn’t sharing with the world.

Here are some recent, highly sensitive and extremely confidential images snuck out of his parents’ house on Soi Soonvijai.  Shhh!  Don’t tell Khun Sudha. 

Soonvijai is a soi (alley/side street) off of Phetchaburi Road.  Bangkok Hospital is off the main soi, but then it branches into more than a dozen sub-sois.  Tawn’s childhood home is between the fifth and sixth sub-sois of the fourteenth soi off Soonvijai.  Nomenclature for that sould be:

Phetchaburi Road, Soi Soonvijai 14/5-6

Now you know something about reading addresses in Thailand.  Interesting little digression, huh?

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Their property is comparable in size to two typical 1960s era suburban American lots, back in the days when houses in the US had yards and not just shoulders.  Khun Sudha (Tawn’s father) is an avid gardener and has used his green thumb to create a verdant oasis, above.

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Here is Khun Nui (Tawn’s mother) in the middle of the property, near a little courtyard that leads off the kitchen.  The older section of the house is behind her.  To the left is the three-story addition that was built about four years ago.  Because a lot of Khun Sudha’s brothers and sisters live in adjacent properties and there is a lot of socializing between the families, the addition includes a large room on the entire ground floor for dining and gatherings, along with a very nice partially-covered deck on the top floor.

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Khun Sudha just picked up a new set of wheels – the 2008 Honda Accord.  Swanky, huh?  To keep the cars out of the sun, there is a covered car park area that can hold four or five vehicles, including his old U.S. Army Jeep that he drove in his youth up in Buriram Province.

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Taking the family out for a spin, Khun Tawn takes the opportunity to snap a father-son picture.  I think Tawn should grow a moustache so he looks like his father.

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Khun Nui chills on the spacious leather rear seats with her Audrey Hepburn cat’s eye sunglasses.  Now you know where Tawn gets his fashion sense.

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Back at home on July 1st, Khun Sudha celebrates his birthday with a dessert Tawn picked up at Le Notre and a glass of wine.

So there is the top secret footage inside the life of Khun Tawn.  But if anyone asks, you didn’t get it from me!