Above: Rainy Sunday night in the Pratuwan (watergate) area. Central World Plaza is on the left, Gaysorn on the right. Looking north toward Khlong San Saeb and Thanon Phetchaburi.
Sunday evening instead of joining me for the screening of the Battleship Potemkin, Tawn met up with his friends for what might be described as an engagement party. Sa, one of his friends, is getting married to her long-time boyfriend this December and she needed to distribute the official invitations. This was reason enough for a dinner.
Over dinner, Tawn mentioned to his friends – he told me later that this was probably way premature – that he and I had been discussing the idea of raising children. Now, point of clarification for my readers: Tawn and I have just been discussing the idea and the point of making any decisions would still be a few years away, but as we’ve been discussing buying a house and other longer-term arrangements, the discussion of a family came as part of the package.
The reaction of Tawn’s friends was uniformly negative and non-supportive: gay, straight, married and unmarried, each of his friends dismissed the idea out of hand. Most of them raised the concern that children raised by gay people would face unnecessary teasing and discrimination and wondered why we would want to “subject” a child to that.
Tawn’s gay friends responded more along the lines of their continued disbelief that a gay man would actually want to settle down into a monogamous relationship. But they’re shallow, so that response didn’t surprise me.
The most measured response, ironically, came from the husband of Tawn’s only friend in the group who is married. He said that he could see us adopting because, given a choice between an orphanage and having gay parents, a child would ultimately rationalize that they were better off with gay parents than no parents at all. This coming from a man who left his wife and two young children to marry his mistress. I get his rationale, but am not sure he would serve as evidence that straight parents provide any better stability or environment for their children.
Anyhow, Tawn came home pretty disappointed, having expected more from his friends.
Initially, I shared his disappointment. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it is hard to expect people to be any more enlightened than the society in which they are raised and live – at least initially. If we do eventually decide to raise children, through natural means (birth mother, artificial insemination, etc.) and/or adoption, there will be a long path of educating our friends, family, and others about the issues at hand.
I’ve always taken it on faith that my friends and family would be supportive of us starting our own family, but given the reaction of Tawn’s friends, maybe that faith is unfounded.
Of course, the whole question of us raising children is a big “if”… there’s a few dozen high hurdles to overcome from adoption laws to different citizenship and immigration rights for the parents. Just purchasing a home will be a necessary first step. We can see where it goes from there.
Side note – when I run my spell check on Xanga, “gay” keeps coming up as misspelled. What, are they nuts?
Below left: Morning sun streams into the living room on one of only about three days when the light hits a narrow corner of a nearby office building and is reflected in. This will repeat again in about six months. Below right: Erawan Shrine, often mistakenly called the “Four-Faced Buddha” in front of the Grand Hyatt Erawan Hotel.



















































