Tawn and I need your help, please. Just a few minutes of it.
On November 4th, Californians will vote on Proposition 8 which will explicity take away the right of gay men and lesbian women to marry. Tawn and I, now together for almost nine years, are planning on getting married when we are back in California this December. We need your help to get the word out to Californians to vote NO on Proposition 8.
Outside of the issue of equal rights, this would represent a frightening precedent of the rights of a minority being taken away after they have been won. This is a disturbing example of Alex de Tocqueville’s “tyranny of the majority”, whereby majority opinion is allowed to trample the civil rights of the minority.
Here’s how you can help me and Tawn:
Contact the people you know in California – let them know about me and Tawn and that if Proposition 8 passes, we’ll be unable to marry in December. Ask them to vote no on the proposition and to talk with their friends, family and fellow citizens, too.
If you are a Californian, talk to people who think differently from you – it is easy to “preach to the choir” but the ones who need to hear form you are the undecided voters, the ones for whom a personal story will make all the differentce. Studies have shown that personalizing the issues makes people more supportive of equal rights.
If you are a registered voter in California, remember to vote – right now the proposition is slightly ahead in voter support. To defeat it, we will need ever supporter who is registered to vote to actually get out to the polls. Your vote will count!
Consider contributing to the “No on 8” campaign – They are being outspent by 2-to-1 by donations from outside the state, 30% of which have come from the Mormon Church. I have already made a donation and hope you will join me. Even if you donate just $10, you will help buy valuable television airtime so our side of the debate can be heard. Click here to donate at Equality California’s secure website.
I know that we are ready for the political silly season to be over. Hang in there and help me and Tawn out for this one last issue! We’re looking forward to sharing your marriage with you this December, but we can’t do it without your support. Vote NO on Proposition 8.
Thanks for your help.
christao408 
The few people I know out there already voting ‘no’ on this. I voted [absentee ballot; my luck, I would have been in labor on the 4th otherwise!] against Florida’s “Amendment 2” that was striving to do the same thing. They called it the “Marriage Protection Act”. *rolls eyes* Please. If you want to “protect” the “sanctity” of marriage, you need to ban straight people from it ’cause the last time I checked? They’re not doin’ so hot with it. The divorce rate is up to what now?? Yeah…about that…
@christao408 – I just want to clear the air, I am not a “basher” or gay hater. One of my best friends is a homosexual and I don’t mind… except for the occasional flirtations and friends of his asking if I am single. I honestly don’t mind people doing what makes them happy, after all we are in America and that’s what we’re all about! I am concerned as my marriage was in California and all licenses would be appended… I do not believe it to be that necessary. Civil Unions enables couples of the same sex to already have the same decision making and legal power of partners in any event. I just don’t believe this proposition to be a good use of resources and time for that matter. We as Californians have much bigger problems to worry about ie gas, water shortages in the valley… etc. Anyway. I don’t want anyone to get the impression I hate gay people, I don’t…
@moptoplop – It’s not about HURTING anyone. One can simply ask, why are gays so adamant about calling their legal union “Marriage.” Not everything the minority want is considered a “right.” The slave owners in the South obviously were few in number compared to those who didn’t own slaves yet was it really a “right” for them to own? Affirmative Action helps minorities, white women, etc but Asian groups are often not considered for this policy even though Asians are minorities, what about their rights? We have to look at this on a case to case basis. If gays weren’t getting certain rights or if the govt. was preventing them from pursuing life, liberty and happiness I would stand firmly against that or if Prop 8 proposed to take away “rights” I would stand against it. But it is not. It is there to affirm a definition. Let homosexual couples have Civil Unions and do it however they want to, and let heterosexual couples have Marriages and keep the definition clear, and the rights for both equal and guaranteed.
@ansar_al_Eisa – Civil unions aren’t the same as marriages, though. That’s the issue. If the tables were turned and you were told that only gays were allowed to get married, and you had to get a civil union, what would you do? If you’re disappointed even in the least bit, then you can’t say that it’s the same, and you can’t say that it’s right.
@ansar_al_Eisa – If the two are exactly the same, why wouldn’t you call it marriage?It’s true that not everything the minority wants is a right, but if it’s a right for the majority then why shouldn’t it be the same for the minority?It’s pretty obvious that the slaveowners were oppressing their slaves, who is gay marriage oppressing? I don’t think that’s a fair analogy.Then let’s include Asians in affirmative action!You say that the two would be equal, but we’ve tried “separate but equal” before and it didn’t work out very well.
@halfazneeyore – “Europe, who legalized gay marriage a full decade ago is now trying to undo the damage.” Care to elaborate?
@manureman – there is scientific evidence that you cannot choose to be gay. just because you don’t understand something doesn’t make it impossible.
I’m Canadian, so I have no chance of helping you with the vote, but you have my support, and the support of many others who can’t vote.Best of luck, and wishing you happiness regardless of what the outcome of the vote may be.Taylor
I’m a IL resident BUT YOU STILL HAVE MY SUPPORT 100%!! It’s a scary thought that people would actually vote yes to this
Aw, why don’t you 2 get married now?
I’m a GA resident, but I support you! Hope all goes well!
@portasaurus – I appreciate you taking the time to clarify your position, truly. While I agree that there are many pressing issues facing Californians, I don’t think protecting the rights of gays to marry takes away from any of those other issues. In either case, I appreciate your willingness to discuss the issue on its merits rather than from an ideological perspective. Regards, Chris.
You have my support 100% because I want to get married, too.& to everyone saying “marriage is defined as one man & one woman” in the dictionary or whatever else, the definition has changed before and I can assure you it will change again.
@filtered_sunlight – Thanks for your response and nice answer. Certainly, a 50% divorce rate among straight married couples doesn’t inspire a lot of confidence that they are protecting the sanctity of marriage. Better let the gay people give it a shot; we tend to do well with these kinds of things.
@ansar_al_Eisa – There are more than 1,000 enumerated rights and priveleges reserved specifically for married couples, spelled out in both state and federal law. By excluding same-sex couples from marriage, they are being denied those rights.
@moptoplop – Maybe their sky is falling? =)
@skylar_rose – @beaten_dwn_passion – @bookwormchic09 – Thank you all for your support.
@OHMYRACHELL – Thanks for your comment. We are currently living in Thailand right now and won’t be back to San Francisco until mid-December. Otherwise, we’d be rushing out to get married. Even if we were already married, though, I’d still be figthing this proposition because I don’t like the idea of taking rights away from people. It is a dangerous precedent, similar to what happened in Germany leading up to World War II: rights were stripped away from one group after another. We have to speak up!
@christao408 – Your welcome and I mean you no harm, I don’t want people to come and break the windows of my xanga page because I am a hater or anything. Good luck and all whatever the outcome of prop 8 and not just for you but for all who have a stake in this proposition.
@heartsneedabeat – Thanks for your support. You make a very good point about the definition of marriage changing. It used to be that women were considered the property of their husbands. Clearly, we’ve “evolved” our understanding of that definition. When people talk about the “traditional” definition of marriage, they are talking about a definition that is not even as old as our country.
bill_onesty, you are RIGHT ON man! I know where my convictions are and I’m staying true to them. Homosexuality is a choice and a lifestyle, not a “right”. XxrockxXxgirlxX, there’s a difference between “love” and “lust” and many people don’t know the difference, sadly. Don’t get me wrong, I love homosexuals, I just hate the choice that they choose to blatantly flaunt morals. I’m praying for you and that you’ll have a change of heart.
@jupiter312 – The tables aren’t turned. You are making a counter-factual argument which amounts to no argument at all. But let us take your argument and turn the table for one second. If “Marriage” was throughout human society, whether culturally or legally, was defined as a gay couple then it should remain as so. However, it was not. If, in the hypothetical situation Marriage was defined as a homosexual relationship then by all means heterosexuals should not change such definition because it would be foolish. Likewise if “Civil Unions” meant heterosexual relationships then Homosexuals should not change it.@christao408 – If Gays feel there are rights missing or whatever then they should fight hard as they can to ensure “Civil Unions” have the rights (if they really make a big difference) that marriages have. That should be a fight for rights to be added to “Civil Unions” not for the Definition of “Marriage” to change, because by definition Marriage has historically been a man + a woman. I hope you understand this has nothing to do with homophobia or ignorance as many gays may feel people who support Yes on 8 may believe. It is neither a Christian issue nor a Islamic issue. It is a issue of definition, and lexicon and preserving a logical sense of a word and not creating seemingly multiple yet contradictory definitions for one concept.Cheers.
@christao408 – That’s all fair enough…..but if I had any faith and was gay I would struggle with the concept “God created homophobic hicks”. Peace.
@Blonde_Kayla_luvz_snow – Are you gay?
The reason I ask is, if you’re not gay, how could you possibly be in the position to tell me that my homosexuality is a choice? I was born gay and realized that very early in my life.
As for homosexuality being a lifestyle, it is a lifestyle in the same way that being a Southern Baptist, a NASCAR fan or a Peace Corps volunteer is a lifestyle.
Now perhaps you chose to be straight. That could be your lifestyle choice and, if so, it is your business, not mine. But I’m not going to claim to love you then turn around and hate you in the same sentence.
@a_life_bizarre – Interesting point. I suppose the answer is that God created homophobic hicks (or homophobes of any kind – don’t want to tar all hicks with the same brush) to help me learn tolerance and compassion – the very lessons his son Jesus Christ taught and oh so many self-proclaimed Christians seem to have yet to learn.
@ansar_al_Eisa – I’ll meet you half way: all marriages (same-sex and different-sex) should be civil unions, since when conferred by the state those unions are only a matter of civil rights.
The churches, mosques, temples and such are then welcome to conduct any additional ceremonies they so desire – marriages, for example – that can confer the social and spiritual meanings that the particular denomination or faith chooses. Just like Germany does, for example.
If you agree to that, then I’ll gladly drop my demands for gay marriage. How’s that sound? Do we have a deal?
I wish I was in Cali… but I live north east so I support you 100% because if heteros are abusing this gift of getting married and taking it as a joke, I know you guys are going to be happier by choosing this path. I hope Californians will have common sense in voting against it. At least you’re not living in Texas or Idaho. Congrats on getting married!
@halfazneeyore – @manureman – My eighth grade Algebra teacher had a terrible disease that made it impossible for her to have children. She is one of the most awesome people on the planet. Are you saying that, because she can’t have children, she shouldn’t be able to marry?
@halfazneeyore – That last reply wasn’t supposed to be to you, oops.You say that we can’t take away rights if they haven’t been won yet, but the right to gay marriage WAS won when the judges decided that prohibiting gay marriage was unconstitutional. Now the voters are trying to go over the heads of the judges by adding a constitutional amendment against gay marriage.Since when do African Americans have a monopoly on the word “civil rights”? While gays aren’t being treated as cruelly as African Americans were, there is STILL anti-gay discrimination. If gays weren’t second class citizens, we wouldn’t be arguing over something as basic as the right to marry.
@portasaurus – So people that aren’t able to reproduce because of a disease affecting their reproductive organs shouldn’t be allowed to marry? Hmm.”It makes sense, look all around at nature you will see two OPPOSITE sexed animals seeking eachother out to mate for the SOLE PURPOSE of begetting children.” Actually, dolphins have sex for fun, bonobos (a kind of monkey) have sex for everything AND there are gay animals. There’s an excellent show on PBS called “Nature,” it’s filled with all kinds of interesting information. I suggest you watch it.
@christao408 – Those darn backwards Europeans… What’ll they do next, create a car that runs on electricity? HA!I hope you’re ignoring all of the people that write comments that go on about how wrong you are without offering up any valid points of their own. People can be dumb.
You can move to Canada, if all else fails. It’s cold here, but gays and lesbians are free to do what they want, albeit in the snow, just like everyone else ^_^ Best of luck, I wish I could lend my support.
Hey there. I came across your site. And if Prop 8 is taking away the rights of CIVIL UNIONS, then I’ll vote No. But if its taking away the right for the union to be known as MARRIAGE, then I’ll have to vote yes. Sorry bud!. I do wish you luck and will be praying for you through this journey
@christao408 – I think the problem here is people are getting the cultural understanding of marriage confuse with the legal definition of marriage. Those who want to vote Yes on 8 want to preserve the definition of Marriage as it has always been (between a man + a woman) and those who’ll vote no see it more as a legal “rights” sort of topic. So, essentially one is fighting to preserve a definition and one is supposedly fighting for missing “rights.”Chris, I agree with your second statement but once again with your first statement, you said that marriage (same-sex or different sex) should be civil unions. I maintain that Marriage should be different sex and Civil Unions by definition should be same-sex for definition purpose. However, if Civil Unions are truly lacking some rights that “Marriages” are then by all means Gay couples have the right that rights given in a “marriage” should also be included in a “civil union” but such labeling of legal bonding should remain clear and different. HOWEVER, if historically all legal bonding between any couple was labeled as “Civil Union” perhaps we would not have this problem. But culture/religion and govt often clash and merge into each other despite how much you want to keep it out. Take San Francisco for example, despite being so liberal and open the city finds its name in a Christian Saint. But let’s get back on topic. At this point we cannot change all Marriages to be labeled as “Civil Unions” THOUGH TECHNICALLY they are if you think about it.I don’t know if I can meet you halfway, you are proposing an idea that can not be. Perhaps at heart I understand where you are coming from that to create a “marriage-blind” society, we must just label all legal sanctioned bondings between two individuals as Civil Unions whether they are Homosexuals or Heterosexuals. But the phrase Civil Union has been so ingrained into people’s mind as a same-sex relationship that this wish could never be. Therefore, being realistic the best we can do right now is keep Marriage’s definition as it is and keep the Civil Union definition as it is and allow Gays to fight a fight to gain missing rights and make it applicable to Civil Unions if they so wish. But “Love” is not a reason to redefine marriage because Prop 8 and the govt. has NEVER prohibited any gay couple to love, neither you or Tawn. I wish people would see this Prop has always been about Definition for supporters and “rights” for detractors. I think my solution would work.
My roommate and best friend is a lesbian. I sleep with her every night, and shudder with fear the day that she gets a girlfriend.I mean, where the hell am I supposed to sleep then? The couch?=PMy Hobby:Shaking my fists and swearing under my breath at cars I see driving down the street with a “Yes on 8” bumper sticker.This will be my first time allowed to vote, and man am I excited.
Unfortunately, I don’t live in Cali, but I’m supporting you all the way! I’m from Iowa, and we’re working on gay marriage too. A few months ago, there was a judge that legalized gay marriage in a part of Iowa for a couple days, before it went under more review… So we’re working on it too! I just hope we can get it throughout the country soon. America is supposed to stand for equality, we need to get gay marriage passed everywhere!I’ll let anyone I know in Cali know about prop 8, and I really hope you get to marry your love. Good luck!
Good luck, I really hope that it’s not passed!
christao408, the difference is that being gay is indeed a choice, whether you want to believe it or not. Science proves that there is no such thing as a “gay gene” to show that you were “born gay”.Since we agree that homosexuality is a lifestyle, it is something you choose. I choose to live a lifestyle that is pleasing and acceptable to God.I’m honestly not trying to come off as someone who hates you, really, I’m not. I don’t hate you at all. Its just that my conscience adamantly opposes the choice you’ve made in living a homosexual lifestyle.
This is one reason why I am happy to be living in Canada. You have my support 100%. Love has no race & gender boundaries.
@angryflower1 – @Naoko_Ai – @sizzl – Thanks for your support!
@little_sta – @Katie – Thanks for your support!
@moptoplop – You could argue that the Matthew Shepard case illustrates that the discrimination against gays can be every bit as violent and hateful as against other minority groups.
@moptoplop – Yeah, I am generally enjoying the opportunity to engage people whose eyes are not open to truth, but blinded by faith. A bit ironic, isn’t it, that religious zealots speak about “truth” being revealed to them, when their “truth” is just another pair of blinders?
It is a bit more enjoyable to talk with people who take the legal approach to their arguments. At least they are attempting to base their positions in things that are debatable. Thanks for your help in responding to these folks.
@Nicholas – Nicholas, thanks for your constructive comment. Here is something to consider: from a legal perspective, if you redefine marriage to specifically exclude same-sex couples, then you open the door for further legal arguments that those same couples should not receive any of the benefits of marriage. This could very realistically result in same-sex couples being denied the “marriage-like” benefits of civil unions.
It is a slippery slope and as history has shown, when rights start being taken away, they rarely stop at just one.
I’d urge you to reconsider your position because, if you are advocating a “separate but equal” position, you need to make sure that the “equal” will be – and remain – equal. My fear is that it would not.
@Blonde_Kayla_luvz_snow – We don’t agree that homosexuality is a lifestyle. You missed the point. I can be gay and a NSACAR fan. I can be gay and a Southern Baptist. The culture I choose to surround myself with and the actions I take are my choice – my lifestyle – but my attraction to men is hard-wired (I’m born that way) and is not a choice.
Yes, I could conceivably choose not to act on my attraction, just as some people (Catholic priests come to mind) choose to not act on their attractions. But I don’t agree that just because I’m gay, I should be celibate. And I certainly don’t think I should choose to engage in heterosexual sex as that would be downright un-natural.
I appreciate that your conscience adamantly tells you that what I’m doing is wrong and I’m glad you’re not trying to be hateful as I suspect your God wouldn’t approve of that. But I’m going to respectfully disagree with you. In twenty years our society will look back on this gay marriage battle in the same way we now look back on anti-miscegenation laws, laws that did not allow women to vote, and laws that allowed people to be bought and sold as slaves. We will ask ourselves, “Why did our conscience fail us so greatly?”
Peace.
@ansar_al_Eisa – Actually, I’m going to disagree about the term “civil unions” being so ingrained that it cannot be changed. No need to go back and change the terms for already married couples, but there are several countries where the civil part of the union (the one where the state gives the rights to the couple) is just a “civil union”. We can call it anything else we’d like to, too. But it needs to be the same for all couples, not different words for different couples.
The majority opinion in the CA supreme court’s ruling in May made a very compelling case that “civil unions” and “marriage”, even though the state’s civil unions had nearly the same rights as marriage, were not equal. The term “marriage” itself confers something greater upon the union of a couple. I’d love to dig through the 172 pages of the document located here and give you the quotes, but I need to get started with my day and go to work.
It has been a pleasure debating this with you, but I seriously have other things to do. Cheers!
@christao408 – @christao408 – Then this topic of discussion will respectfully end here. Thanks Chris for stimulating my thought process. Have a safe trip back to the state.
I don’t live in CA but I will email my CA friends! Best wishes to you and Tawn!
The heart of this issue is why the anti- gay marriage people have it wrong. They think gay marriages are a threat. How is two people committing their time, lives and resources to o ne another a threat? the real threat to marriage is lack of commitment, not lack of or one too many sets of testicles.
I don’t live in California, and I’m not old enough to vote anyway. But I’ll get the word around.