My Parents’ Response

Most of you (some 200+) had already read the final installment in my coming out saga by the time my parents left a comment.  Instead of pointing you back to that entry, I’d like to share their comment with you here.  My mother wrote it:

1970-12-01Me and my parents in December 1970

“It’s my turn to respond. The thought that one of our children would have this sexual orientation was the farthest thing from our minds when you sat down to tell us. Your readers need to know, however, that our Christian beliefs led us to understand that if we are to follow the teachings of our faith, we must love each person in our lives for who they are, not because they fit some pre-condition that allows them to be loved or not to be loved.

 

“When you came out to us, while unexpected, it was not something to reject you for, but to realize that we had a journey to take together…you needed to continue your self discovery; we needed to discover how, as your parents, to support you while allowing you the space for your own discoveries. Once Dad and I became comfortable with our place in this journey, we were then able to take a stand with the rest of the family and invite them to join us or go their own way.

 

“You shared several things I didn’t know, but am happy that you felt comfortable sharing them. We would have been devastated if you had followed through with that suicide attempt. I wasn’t totally oblivious to a struggle going on with you, but probably chalked it up to being a teenager. Could we have helped if we had known what you were experiencing? I don’t know. Our individual road sometimes needs people helping us along the way other than our parents…hard to take as a parent, but we are too close to the situation most of the time for objectivity. Fortunately, you made choices that led you to a full life, including seeking out people to walk with you.

 

Thank you for sharing your story. Thank you for the opportunity to add my ten cents worth.”

I was going to ask them to guest author an entry, but they beat me to it by commenting.

24 thoughts on “My Parents’ Response

  1. I can only hope that my parents can react as rationally. You’re a lucky man to have parents that love you through the hate that the Church so often teaches.

  2. Your parents are beautiful, lovely people. You are blessed.This here: “if we are to follow the teachings of our faith, we must love each person in our lives for who they are, not because they fit some pre-condition that allows them to be loved or not to be loved.”Is THE THE THE Key to Christian Faith, yet it is what so many of us fail to understand. This is what Christianity should embrace, not the pathology of hate. It saddens me that this is the case a lot of times. Our Faith is one of Unconditional Love, and your parents demonstrate that; not only as parents, but as an example of the way things should be, for all humankind.Your parents are wonderful.

  3. What beautiful, amazing and wonderful parents you have Chris – you are very blessed.Reading their comment it is so evident it comes from the heart.   Your parents are true Christians – in every sense of the word.  The world would  be a better place with more people like them.   ~ hugs V

  4. Hi Chris, I have not yet had a chance to read your full story, but reading this from your parents brought a tear to my eye. They are wonderful, beautiful souls and I can see that the apple did not fall far from the tree. I would hug each of you if I could!

  5. This is a perfect example of what Love is. As a parent, it is difficult to watch children grow up and make choices – but always there is love. That was the example in my family growing up, and in my husband’s family, and hopefully with our family. You are truly loved and that is a blessing.

  6. That’s what parents’ love is all about. What else is there in life if not for the love that you give to your child. I am so glad I know their son. They are amazing. Hats off to them.

  7. I have never faced this situation that your parents did, that long ago day around the dinner table. I have faced other situations and evolvements in our daughters’ lives that set us all on a “journey” too. I cannot say that my initial reaction has always been as calm, thoughtful and positive as your parents but I can say that each of my girls can be secure in thte knowledge that they are loved and honored for who they are…and where they are today. We parents aren’t all perfect…some come a lot closer to it than others…my thoughts go to the sons and daughters that haven’t been as blessed with loving, caring parents that you were privileged to have!!! Ruth Ann

  8. How cute. Your parents are on Xanga. You know, it finally hit me that I’ve had many a dark nights like you. I can only imagine how hard it is to come out etc. However, in the end you met and married the love of your life! Thanks for giving me hope for life.

  9. I was totally touched when your parents said this, especially the last paragraph.”Our individual road sometimes needs people helping us along the way other than our parents…hard to take as a parent, but we are too close to the situation most of the time for objectivity. Fortunately, you made choices that led you to a full life, including seeking out people to walk with you…”Add to the fact that your parents are Xanganians as well! I just wish mine would be that understanding if I ever “come out” to my parents!

  10. wow, what an incredible journey! i’m glad i finally had some time to sit down and read through the entire thing. you are so lucky that your parents are so accepting; my parents refuse to talk about the elephant in the room, and don’t really even acknowledge my bf. i’m not sure what to do about it, actually. but you’ve inspired me to keep trying!

  11. @kunhuo42 –  The experience you describe with your parents is more like what we experience with Tawn’s parents. I can sympathize with how uncomfortable it is to have an elephant in the room and not be able to acknowledge it.@ZenPaper –  Virtual handkerchief… (Irish white linen, starched and pressed, of course.)@CurryPuffy –  I hope you have the opportunity to come out to your parents, Gary, and that they are as loving and as accepting as can be.@minhaners –  There is always hope.@Redlegsix –  Yes, I am extremely fortunate to have won the parent lottery.@ZSA_MD –  I hope you have the opportunity to meet them one day. I’ve told them all about you and Mohamad.@yang1815 –  They like you and Sugi, too! =)@spiritedsherry –  Yes, very fortunate, indeed.@murisopsis –  I’m glad to hear you and your husband also had such loving and supportive families.@Rm2046 –  Blogging is great. Parents blogging, even better. Parents as friends on Facebook? Hmm… maybe not. =D

  12. @Wangium –  I suspect they did. I’ll have to call and ask to be sure, though.@dynamiqvision –  Thanks. Virtual hugs are a good substitute for in-person ones, if that’s the best you can do.@vsan79 –  They are pretty wonderful. Thanks for the nice words.@venice –  @chow@ireallylikefood – When it comes to the teachings of any organized religion and the actions of the believers, there often seems to be a “do as I say, not as I do” gap. It is the actions of love and compassion and selflessness that close that gap. Thanks for your comments.@onmovement –  Reasonably xanga savvy… they don’t blog but they do comment. My grandfather reads, too, although hasn’t figured out commenting. Or else doesn’t have anything to add!@ElusiveWords –  I will. Thanks, Matt.@TheCheshireGrins –  It does render one speechless, doesn’t it? =)@secade –  I hope your parents do, too.@epiginoskete –  It really is, isn’t it? Thanks for your comment.

  13. Pingback: Coming Out – Final Chapter | christao408

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