Friday morning and I find myself banished to our balcony. The weather is pleasant – 24 C / 75 F – so I don’t mind being banished to the balcony, although I’d like to get a shower and get started with my day.
I’m banished here because Tawn is rushing around the house preparing for a photo shoot later this morning by Elle Decoration magazine. There are pictures I’ll share tomorrow or the next day of the whirlwind of activity, but suffice it to say that it is kind of like being on a movie set, except it is a movie set in which I live.
Things are tidied up and arranged “just so”. The theme behind the shoot is “preparing for a tea party” so there are dishes and platters set up and I was requested to bake scones and cookies so as to support the way Tawn pitched the article: “A baker’s house… inspired by life in San Francisco.”
I have mixed feelings about this photo shoot. Actually, the feelings about the photo shoot itself are not mixed – I’m not in favor of doing it. The mixed feelings come from wanting to do what makes Tawn happy while staying true to my values. Bear with me and I’ll try to explain.
We live in a condo that is much nicer – fancier, at least – than anywhere I’ve ever lived. And the rest of my life has been blessed with great good fortune. I have a family who has been supportive of my relationship and my decision to move to Thailand; many, many friends of good character both here and abroad, who have true hearts and thoughtful minds; and a work arrangement that allows me to do my job remotely from Thailand and provides me with tremendous flexibility. In all that, I feel like fate has been undeservedly good to me.
And that is why I’m against the photo shoot.
I was raised by middle-class parents with Midwestern values; values that included modesty. To show off my house in a glossy magazine, and particularly to be named as an owner, seems akin to begging fate to take my good fortune from me. Better to be modest about it, to keep a low profile so fate just minds its own business.
Yes, you’re bound to point out what appears to be a contradiction: I post pictures of my condo in both this blog and on my Facebook profile. “What happened to your modesty?” you ask. The difference is that in both this blog and on Facebook, I can exercise control over who sees what, and ultimately I can remove the pictures entirely. With a magazine photo shoot, I cede control of the images and the accompanying story to someone else entirely, letting my life be portrayed in a way that might be immodest.
In attempting to balance my feelings with what Tawn wants, I’ve tried to consider the reasons for doing the shoot. This photo shoot is mostly going to feature our designer (many of his jobs have been featured in magazines and he has a new store opening) and as he gave us a very good price as his friends, I can’t begrudge him the opportunity to advertise his work. Also, as Tawn develops his career as a Public Relations professional – someone who may eventually start his own concern – there is a value to him building a certain public profile. His guest column last month in Elle was an example of this.
So we agreed to a bit of a compromise: the photo shoot and subsequent article in Elle Decoration will take place, but without any mention of me in either word or picture.
Is this a good compromise? Am I being unnecessarily stubborn? Should I have further stood my ground? I don’t know. One of the challenges of living in another culture, particularly one that values the concept of “face” so much, is that I can’t always tell where personal values intersect with cultural norms. In either case, hopefully the photo shoot will go well, Tawn will be happy with the coverage, and I can continue to enjoy my good fortune in life without interruption.
In an attempt to help that last thing to happen, while the photo shoot is happening I’ll be driving to the school in Bangkhonthiinai to visit the children and distribute some gifts. Maybe it will earn some merit for me.
christao408 
Hmmm…. I don’t think there’s one right answer. I think the 2 of you came up with approached this sensibly and the solution is probably as close to a win / win solution as any.
I’m really excited to see the pictures from the shoot as we’ve gotten many glimpses of your lovely new place but I also really commend you for standing your ground and maintaining your own values. Great post!
I applaud the good compromise on both of your parts. My guess is Tawn would have preferred not to have to keep you a secret, am I right?
Don’t worry so much about it. I see it almost like a celebrity choosing to keep the name and identity of his or her partner private. I often read of friends on magazines, and more often than not they keep it purely on that person and not mention anything about her private life. I’m sure Tawn acknowledges the fact that it is for an interior decoration mag. And I think him agreeing to keep you out of the article is a very professional move. Doing this photo shoot gives Tawn everything he hopes to achieve and you not being in it does not affect any of his goals in any way at all. Glad your place turned out so nice though! Looking forward to those pics.
Me too. Sometimes I have to do tihng I do not really want to do or agianst my idea. But for the one I love, we just have to do it to make him happy. He in return would do the same for me. Flexibility and compromise is the important part of being in a relationship.
Hvae a great time in Bangkhunthini. Don’t forget to show us some nice pictures.
It sounds like a good compromise to me. I can’t wait to see the spread. And can I tell you, your life sounds even more amazing now.
Midwestern values are what we and our children hold dear to our hearts. How wonderful that you still want to hold on to them. Perhaps after this photo shoot, you and Tawn should sit and talk about this. One time of this banishemnet is ok I think, but will it happen another time? What will you do then? The compromise now seems good and logical……. but for an ongoing relationship, there should be a lot of give and take.
Eastern cultures also believe in not flaunting the obvious to the rest of the world Chris. It is called ” Budh Nuzur ” or evil eye of the onlooker. You just have to hope and pray that all your decisions are always in good faith. Hope you won’t think this is a hard remark or anything like that. I always tell things like that to my own children, who are about your age, when they are faced with predicaments like this…. you just have to trust in the faith and pray that all goes well.
Hope by now every thing is finished and both of you are extremely happy about the photo shoot.
I totally understand your dilemma Chris. On one hand you and Tawn should be very proud of what you have accomplished. On the other hand “knock on wood” “spit in your palm” “don’t anger the gods” I have the same background. I think your compromise is a good one. I, however, can’t wait to see the magazine…;-D
I’m Thai but privacy is essential to me.But what do I know? I’m just a cartoon character.
@ToyPetFishes – You are correct. I’m not sure that it is even a matter of keeping me a secret as much as it is a matter of me being the baker that he pitched in the theme of the shoot.
@ongkun – Funny…
I’m glad you settled on a solution that works for both of you.Showing us your condo on this blog is very different from having them in an style magazine. Those magazine profiles tend to make everything look as rosy as possible, and from a very mainstream, materialistic perspective. You, on the other hand, write about your life as a real life, which actually makes it sound more genuinely happy.In a way, it’s a Miracle of the Internet that you can publish to (potentially) a mass audience without having to “dumb down” your stories to a mass-market formula.
Ongkun, I always thought that you were Japanese!